Mutton craps, Mutton cleans

2009-06-01T11:53:00.000+08:00

It has been. And will always be. Ostensibly, it makes my life whole.

CRAZY.

That word has been uttered one too many times, be felt more than it should, and happened a great damn lot when I least expected it to. It's making my brain twist in turmoil and my heart pulsing in maddening pressures.

It's all too annoyingly great to believe.

If there ever was seen a lie in my eyes, it's the truth. Because that's life. And me?

Well, I just have to suck it all up and smile. Nothing beats more than a little effort of the facial muscles to make someone's day. Doesn't matter if you have yellow decaying teeth. It's the thought that counts.

Last night, the moon heard everything, seen everything, and it watched over me as I silently cried myself to sleep.

Just so lucky that I didn't have to wake up with goldfish eyes, you know. It's not the HOT trend right now.

Gotta run. Be good.

*SMILES*

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-31T11:04:00.001+08:00

Mutton's Maladroit: The Birth of Butt Talk (Part XVII)

[CONFESSIONS OF A CONFESSION MAKER]
Note: This post is done from research and loads of experience. Do not attempt to copy. This is just for entertainment.

THIS IS CRAZY.
*screams*

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-30T16:09:00.002+08:00

THIS IS CRAZY.

Do I sound like a manic depressive person? *LAUGHS*

Things have been a major rollercoaster ride over the past year, people kept trippin' and flipping out on the inconsequential details. Which leaves the value of significance multiplying like a swine breed. Pun not intended, there.

And me?

I'm just enjoying life's dramas, taking part in self-worth scenes, daring myself to unbelievable heights and living dangerously, walking on Earth's pitfalls. Sometimes I think I'm walking on a piece of hairstrand.

I'm rejoicing at my very own stage play.

Just because I feel that it's worth delighting in what life has to give, cherish the very little short sweet moments, reminiscing the rough patches and damning every blasted soul and scheming a death list for each and every one of them. BURN IN HELL, ARSEHOLES!

Okay, not. *LAUGHS*

I am not instigating any parties, but you live how you are and what you want, and till Judgement Day comes, it's your ass on the barbeque grills, man.

So is mine. But I don't owe you a peanut, balls.

My nights have always been productive.

It's either I lay my ass and go straight to bed, put the DVD on, or maybe just last night, I learnt to make shapes out from the clouds of twilight. Too bad Singapore don't bear sons of stars for me to count.

Boriiiiing~. *rolls eyes*

And as I lay on bed last night, I figured that it's not worth anything to be despondent, because you're still alive and capable to do stuff, and be merry with all the people. It's not worth to waste a tear because when the big thing happens, you have nothing to cry for.

Plus, it's a leading wastage of precious liquid.

You might need them to lubricate your dry contact lenses or something. *LAUGHS*

Look at yourself. Learn to laugh. Things aren't so hard as it seems. Every instant of quandary you're facing, doesn't mean you have to act like your guts are being pulled out of your system. Be cool.

Someone told me to smile before you even think of crying. Or atleast cry while smiling. Or vice versa. Whichever way you would understand as much as your numbnut brain capacity could absorb.

Do you understand? NO. Do you really understand?

Never think of something lost, will be lost forever. You will never lose everything. Atleast you still have memories that fit a place in your heart for you to smile about. Or maybe a sentimental article which reminds you of the good ol' twinklings with a particular dickwit or something.

*LAUGHS*

C'mon. Get up your fat sagging ass and go do something crazy. Just don't get caught. Have fun rocking your faces off. *winks*

"Laugh as much as you breathe, Love as much as you live."

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-29T15:14:00.000+08:00

Gym was taken outdoors yesterday. Not literally just out the door, but out-on-the-grass kind of outdoors. Gentle Giant must be brimming in lion-proudness for it was his idea. Ahem.

I think.

The boys and girls were sweating bullets pulling weights like cows, oblivious to the staring eyes from curious (or more like nosey) busybodies. And that one Apek who was fascinated with the strong thighs and calves and the skillful pull from SpideyBaby.

*clears throat* Ewww.

I was already at the verge of shitting my tubes out, and my thighs were burning.

Anyway, I had two disgusting Cheese Prata last evening which wasn't worth my $4.50. They were small, and I just don't think cheese slices go with flour. They should try using mozarella or something. Or blue cheese.

HAHAHAHAHA.

By the wayyy...

..GENTLE GIANT! Gua ada cerita baru untuk lu beb. *LAUGHS*

P.S: I feel like a burden has just been lifted. And YOU, stop being so annoying, can?

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-28T12:31:00.001+08:00

I got ass-scared watching a Thai horror last night alone, I switched the telly off and ran straight to bed. And I had nightmares after that. It didn't help that I hugged Barney so tight, his eyes seem to pop out from his polyester-filled head.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So I am a chicken. Okay, not thoroughly one but I don't know why I was last night. *clears throat*

OKAY, OKAY!

I am a sissy when it comes to cerita momok okay. Even if I am watching it with company. And it ain't amusing that the DVD I was watching was titled 'ALONE'. How nice. I thought I wanted to barge into Brother's room to sleep with Grandma and himself....

....but I decided not to.

ATLEAST I BRAVED SOMETHING. But I had recurring flashbacks, I was trembling on my own bed. I was so scared, I scared myself to sleep. I was just too paranoid of Boogeyman or something coming from under the bed, or that stupid monster hiding in my closet.

Eee.

Okay, bye.

P.S: Thanks Nad"O" for your piece of thought. I keep holding back tears everytime I read your letter. I will try to work things out, okay. I promise.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-27T13:58:00.001+08:00

"Confessions keep coming, it's getting ass-confusing. Amusing me, speaking, but
there's no concrete saying. This is so crazy, it's hard, gettin' too
complicated. There's too much affection, just too 'fraid to confront it. I hate
it, when this life gives choices but I can't seem to choose it. Believe me if
you must, because I know you can feel it. Almost breaking down, holding on by a
threadI'm falling really hard, I'm holding my head, my emotions go awry when
flashbacks are played. As each day passes, I feel strayedThere is no one to
blame, but what if it's too late? "

- Million Dollar Mutton @
12.42pm
27 May 09

It's extremely annoying when people don't know how to inform me themselves. Do I have to call to finally understand that you were not coming? I hate it. And I hate you for being like this sometimes.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-27T13:57:00.000+08:00

" The look in your eyes speak more than a thousand. Minds go racing, there's no
destination. The fascination, it's a dovetail worth more than reasons. I'm
pleadin', so hard, don't stop for an instant. You treat me like a woman, respect
me like a woman. It's how you kiss and you touch just the way that I wanted.
Don't leave, but not now, when I sleep and when I frown. Your presence, in full
measures, gets our love locked down. Love bound so tight, quizzical like
charades, green eyes with envy, who cares what they say? "

-
Million Dollar Mutton @ 9.30pm
25 May 09

It was hot. My makeup literally melted away from my face and I never felt so naked in my whole life before. BECAUSE I DID NOT BRING A SPARE BRASSIERE FOR CHANGE. Dammit. I was lucky enough wearing a jacket already.

The girls and I had a very meaningful chat like karat socialites in the jacuzzi, burning our insides crispy because the sun wouldn't buy mercy from us. We had to shade our eyes from it talking whilst looking like idiots.

HA-HA-HA.

We tried spy binoculars-ing at the gym. Well, just because we missed another session of..*CLEARS THROAT*..our routines and..*EHEM EHEM*..ogling at hot bod hotstuffs for the track run. Damn.

Now watching muscle flexings and popping veins might be our newfound hobby. Atleast for Sassyfella and I, it is. Damn her for making me jealous. Shit you. HAHAHA.

NEXT.

Most mothers are the same. And the fathers, they just absorb any shit that sounds almost convincing to believe from their other halves. And the children, they're the live dummies for the folks' authoritative experiments. It SMELLS like bullshit, but it's the same shit that's happening worldwide.

Hell yes.

And these wrinkling aging people are rock head adamant. They think they know almost everything, and when things go wrong, they will squeeze the bloody hell out of anyone 20 or 30 years younger for interrogation. In the end, the whole family starts fighting.

I'm just typing this, for the sake of justice through typing. Jangan marah haa. *LAUGHS*

And my back's aching. My chest is too. And everything else. I eat a damn well lot, considering the fact that I shouldn't, but at least I have a metabolism rate of a bloody bird. I keep crapping after eating, and suddenly the scales told some truth.

Boyfriend said my scales were wrong. I think he's just jealous. HAHAHAHA.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-25T06:53:00.001+08:00

" 'Cause I'm falling hard, hard as diamonds. The fact both you and me, shared
stealing glances. The distance, the sweet surrender smiles. Soft silent
laughters coming from a love child. Fingers locked, intertwined. Just how so I
could tell you I wished you were mine. So fine, divine, indulgent magical crime,
not wasting stray moments to cherish time. Words unspoken, none would know. It's
just you and me, that's how it goes..."

- Million Dollar Mutton @
1.42am
25 May 09

I cannot believe I just wrote that. How dramatic. *LAUGHS*

Doing laps at the stadium today with the girls before getting wet in the jacuzzi. I just can't wait for the aftermath at my place. Wonder what's cooking in the kitchen later. Hmm.

Congratulations to Nad"O" for making through her first match late last afternoon. I was screaming alone in the dark gym, watching the outside, clapping obliviously before something got stuck in my throat when the winner was announced. God.

I am such a crybaby.

But no, I was controlling macho-ness throughout, I raised both hands to applaude with the chaos. I am so proud of her. Plus, I got a hug and a bear lift too. Who cares if the boys were watching?

I'm so happy, I'M HAPPY!

But the damned weather got the best out of me, Fishball had to make two dates with me to a trip to the showers. If only there was a tub, I would so oblige to a good soak till I expand out of my own freaking skin.

Oh look! I'm saying it when there's a swimmimg complex next to the building.

-__________________-"

Till then. Au revoir.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-24T09:11:00.003+08:00

Mutton's Maladroit: The Birth of Butt Talk (Part XVI)

[EPISODE OF MAS SELAMPIT]
Note: This post is done from research and loads of experience. Do not attempt to copy. This is just for entertainment.

Scroll down further.

Not enough. Further down please.

Some more laaaaaaaaarrrgggggggghhh.

LU ORANG TAKDE KERJA PER NAK TAHU HAL MAS SELAMPIT!? Case dah abes per. Nak per lagi. Dasar kepo betul satu satu korang eh.

*shakes head*

Sudah lah tu. Bertaubatlah. Si Mas Selampit nie sebenarnya dah selamat pun. Takde kena mengena ngan korang kan? Dia bapak kau, ke? Dah lah tu. Sikit sikit sudah, makin sakit otak korang nanti.

Kay, bye.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-23T11:14:00.001+08:00

I'mma make it short for today.

The song's been playing in my head like a parasite. I took an hour with my eyes heavily drooping last night to finally drift off to a good sleep. I dreamt of whom I thought was Zac Efron. But it ain't. We were walking, and them eyes set upon us like heat waves.

It was the sand and just us.

But still, I wished it was Zac Efron. *LAUGHS*

I ate alot yet I lost a good deal of weight. I must have been running in my dreams or something. Sewing class was cancelled last minute so I had to liase with Daddy to make certain plans for the family today.

Brother's gone for in-camp and would only be back Sunday night. I'll have his bed for later, I guess.

P.S: Might be over my head. But I kinda like it. Not what I expected. A little over my head. But I kinda like it.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-22T13:50:00.003+08:00

Welcome to the cruel unjust world, 3-day old newborn.

Me: Geramnyer akuuuuu. Macam nak tarok dalam oven siak!
Aunt: *LAUGHS* Nanti kau, tunggu kau nyer turn. Anak kau siap ah.

Someone got bird crap on himself. The skies cried like kids throwing tantrums. And four homosapiens got themselves drenched from head to toe. I was lucky I wasn't wearing a white tee.

The aftermath of homemade sandwiches, beef currypuffs with bubble tea on the house were delightful. Atleast it was before some parts of me started to act weirdly from the wet weather.

So I quickly took a hot shower. *LAUGHS*

Back at home, Brother offered his Tom Yam noodles and Mummy made Macaroni and Cheese with heaps of celery. Uh huh. The way I love it most. The weighing scale looked like a bloody threat just because it was there. Right infront of my bedroom door. There also stood a full length mirror.

That's why I never welcomed anorexics to my house.

I wouldn't want to be the cause of suicide rates in Singapore, you know.

Back at SCOE..

Evil Eye: Bit! Asal kau datang hari nie? Ade training ke?
Me: Takde lah Cik Raziz, Bit datang nak clear locker lah.

Evil Eye: *frowns* Kau apesal nak clear locker??
Me: Clear locker lah. Amek barang Bit semua balik.

Warden: Kau da nak retire pe ha Bit?
Evil Eye: Ntah. Apesal nie??

I didn't know how to explain further. Two grave faces were propped right infront of mine, interrogating.

Me: *effortless laugh* Clear locker je lah.
Evil Eye: Kau jangan macam macam Bit. Kau nak clear locker buat pe kau bilang aku.

Warden: Dia dah nak retire ah Raziz. Kan Bit?
Evil Eye: Kau biar betol siak Bit! Jangan aku debuk kau.

I should have recorded Teaser's and ChubbFace's response to my justification. Priceless, just so to make myself a good testimonial if I ever wanted to become a good actress one day. Hmm.

I wanted to try it on Shawtay, but he said something that left me grinning and made me forget completely about it.

School tonight.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-21T13:19:00.001+08:00

I was in my toilet last night, and suddenly screams were reveberating as I flushed my business down the hole. I finally realized it was Adam Lambert's decibels bouncing off my walls. How was I suddenly watching Channel 5? I had no idea.

That boy sure does know how to break glass.

I hope the Rock God wins when the results show tonight. *rubs chin* It has been a very long-ass journey screeching his face off to impress the four. He's cute too, with eyes resembling Batisah's. Dark hair, fair skin. Mmmhmm.

*hint hint*

And I could just feel someone laughing right now after reading my comment. *LAUGHS*

Project Runway and Tim Gunn's: Guide To Style has always been irritating because of the latter. It's annoying how he talks, with that deep sonorous accent. Plus, I have never seen him in anything 'cept for a damned tux. Luckily the show he's in proved quality.

That is why I keep watching though sometimes I try not to make Daddy kill me from smashing the telly screen upon seeing Gunn. *rolls eyes*

Ate alot. Shat alot. My asshole is burning, dammit.

Suddenly I feel like eating doughnuts, too. Hmm.

Holy shit. Everything's going wrong.

But, the most part of everyday is still worth it. Buargharghargh. *winks*

P.S: I know you want me, You know I wantcha. The hell. Pitbull's stuck in my head.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-20T13:53:00.000+08:00

People keep asking.

And I keep repeating the same bloody thing. On the fence. Still.

Just stop asking. Things like these aren't supposed to be forced. Give me time. I need my daily dosage of priorities first, before I act accordingly. For now, I'd love to leave it on the low.

On a lighter note, Barney and friends made my day just now.

*LAUGHS*

I had mild diarrhoea today from bingeing like swine last night over at my aunt's. Seafood noodle and beef macaroni? What kind of mammal couldn't resist the spread? I took two large servings before slumping over the couch to entertain the kids.

No.

It was more like the kids were entertaining me, dragging me into a game of Twister. How boring is that? I prefer Twister with a twist. Bahaha. Okay, kidding.

Anyway, sorry for the lack of content today. I'm picking back my momentum in blogging again after a week's off. *sighs*

P.S: It's cold. Brr. I wish I had fur. I wished I was a bear with furry furry hair. It's c-c-cold.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-19T14:17:00.021+08:00

Si.Jo.Ri.20.09

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-17T13:11:00.004+08:00

I know today is THE Butt Talk.

But apparently, Beautiful Bouncer injured her two hands while fixing the NEW cupboard she bought yesterday.

This is only on the right.

She can barely move both her hands and the only thing she could do was to press the green button on her hp to answer my call, with which I had to update today to tell you that today's post is cancelled.

So loyal readers of Mutton. Thousand apologies from Bouncer.

Run along now.

I is Me,
Bang Mail

2009-05-13T07:11:00.002+08:00

L.E.A.V.I.N.G

6th Sijori Pencak Silat Championship

Atrium IOI Mall, Kulaijaya, Johor
13th - 18th May 2009

I wouldn't be gone for long, though.

Tropical Inn has claimed to have wireless network, so I would happen to blog from there if I have the time. On a lighter note, Butt Talk shall be updated this Sunday by the keeper of this blog, Beautiful Bouncer.

So stay tuned for the continuation of Mas Selampit.

Til then. Take care, and good luck.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-12T12:29:00.001+08:00

I MISS YOU, BIG TIME. :-*

It was from an unknown number, and it was sent to me at 11 o'clock last night.

Hell knows what was I thinking, and Boyfriend must have had question marks coming all over the place listening to me reading the text message aloud. After much investigation, it was Miyo. Huge sigh of relief there.

I wouldn't want to be the prey of another stalker. Not now. Not ever.

*shrugs in fear*

And I wonder how brown-ass dumb can one man be when he tries his best to test his swagger on a girl. Oh my figeddy balls, it was so annoyingly painful, I tried not to vomit bile onto his taxi-met-an-accident-with-a-lorry-taik face.

*smacks forehead*

Sassyfella informed that he was stealing glances at me every once in a short while, before he finally came up to us UNINVITED to help out with the exercises. My patience was already running low, so was Sassyfella's. I tried so hard not to stuff my size 8 shoe into his mouth to gag him.

Seriously.

He was talking too damned much.

So then he began a tall little tale about his knee. Apparently that idiot said he had no ligaments around his left knee no more. NO LIGAMENTS. What kind of bullshit was that!?

If you have no ligaments, you would'nt be able to walk, asshole.

Claimed that he was WALKING before he FELL and then yadda-yadda and tadaaah! NO LIGAMENTS. It's either you're effing blind when you're taking a stroll or a mad straying spirit suddenly decides to give you a good push, just to see what happens next.

BEST PART YET.

He initiated a guessing game with me.

Idiot: Kenal tak ada satu orang nie, putih putih, dia National Coach ah.
Me: Huh?

Idiot: Dia I nye pakcik. Dia dalam 40 plus ah, tinggi and badan like mine gini. Kenal?
Me: Nama dia siapa?

Idiot: I forget his name ah.

Look at this piece of shit. Just look.

How can one forget the name of their uncle? Tell me. How? Don't tell me you LOST your ligaments and your brain cells, too. That would be far more than bullshit. I don't know what else would compare to a bull's shit. How shitty can you be than a bull's shit?

BODOH KE HAPER KAU!

Nak bodek, atleast kasi quality ah bila nak
tipu. Nie sampai takde ligaments. Abeh kata tengah jalan sekali terseliuh then
dapat ACL. Mak. KALAU TERSELIUH, BUKU LALI KAU YANG SAKIT BANGANG. Bukan lutut.
Bodoh ke buta kau nie?

Jalan kat tengah jalan pulak tu. Cuba kau
jalan kat tepi jalan ke haper. Mesti tak jatuh punya.

[Loose translation]

Want to bluff, give abit of quality when you lie. Until don't have ligaments.
Then say walk in the middle of the road then sprain, got ACL. Mother. IF YOU GOT
SPRAIN, YOUR ANKLE IS PAIN, STUPID. Not your knee. Stupid or blind
you?

Walk in the middle of the road somemore. Try to walk at the
side of the road. Sure never fall one.

Some people of the kind sure do exist.

I am still laughing about the crassingly stupid-ass encounter with that idiot. *shakes head* Speculating, maybe he was thrown out from the national Track and Field team for his imbecility.

*LAUGHS*

A-S-S-H-O-L-E.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-11T18:05:00.000+08:00

My weekends have been excrutiatingly tiring.

The long morning jogs, the skips and self practices. I wringed alot of sweat and now my brain hasn't functioned properly. I lost 2 good night sleep for unknown reasons, slept as early as I could and now I'm 2 days away before I leave for Sijori.

*SIGHS*

Bright side was, my gym session just now was flirtily fun. *LAUGHS* Sassyfella should know why. I am imagining my Mondays as perfect as today. Ostensibly, there were ALOT of hunks in the room and at the pool.

And FINALLY, the jacuzzi lived up to it's name. *winks*

Ogling at the hot stuffs nearby and squinting to see the boys who happened to look at us from the gym inside was the perfect girl-getaway while we were soaking in the jacuzzi. Looks like our Mondays wouldn't be so damned blue afterall huh, Sassyfella? Bahaha.

If only there were as many pretty looking guys as today. Hmm.

*cheeky smile*

Too bad I wouldn't be able to come next week. Darn! *pouts*

Sassyfella: Awak nak tahu umur kita?
Small Girl: *nods* Nak..
Sassyfella: Betul nak tahu? Umur kita sebenarnya 45.

Us: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Sassyfella: Betul! Badan kita jer nampak 20 tahun. Tapi sebenarnya kita 45.

*LAUGHS* Now that was funny.

I'm pretty much beat right now, my bed seems to be calling me. But I have to make my way for another practice later. *rubs chin* I'll catch up on sleep when I get back tonight.

And suddenly, I miss SOMEONE.

I NEED MY SLEEP.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-10T10:50:00.004+08:00

Mutton's Maladroit: The Birth of Butt Talk (Part XV)

[EPISODE OF MAS SELAMPIT PART 1]
Note: This post is done from research and loads of experience. Do not attempt to copy. This is just for entertainment.

Hello everyone. I am Mas Selampit. "Selampit" means "cawat". "Cawat" means loincloth. Loincloth is my pink skirt. It covers my beberd. I love pink. Pink is very nice.

That was why I became a wanted person.

But many people don't like pink. I don't know why. Pink is very nice. That's why I like.

One day I wore my lime green selampit to the barbershop downstairs my house.

My hair is very thick. I want to cut. Cut like a bowl. I brought my own bowl. My goldfish bowl. It is very round. I like.

The pakciks downstairs all not happy. They said I small small don't want to die, big big make trouble. I where got make trouble. Trouble make me. But I like pink. But that day I wore lime green. Because my pink selampit I go and wash.

When I cut my hair already, I go out of the barbershop.

Suddenly got police come and catch me. They all handsomeee. I likeeee. So I follow them to prison. But then they sent me to detention centre. They say I mad. They say I need to go rehabilitation for my brain. They say my brain cannot use.

I very sad. And I miss my pink selampit. VERY MUCH.

But my pink selampit at home. I cannot take. Because I at the detention centre. How to take?

I miss my selampit so much, I suddenly feel like I want to kencing. So I go toilet lah. The handsome police follow me, but he only stand outside. I ask him to stand beside me, but he don't want. I think he hate my lime green selampit.

If I wear my pink selampit, sure he stand beside me.

When I shishi, I looked outside the window. I saw a pink selampit hanging outside. I don't know whose one. But very nice. Got glitter. Got diamond. Got sequins. Very nice. I like. I don't know what I thinking, but because I miss my pink selampit at home very much, I want to have that selampit hanging outside the toilet.

Then, suddenly I feel like I standing outside the toilet.

I very scared. I don't know what to do. But finally got the glitter pink selampit. I smell it. Very nice smell. I like.

Because it smell so nice, I not scared anymore. I changed my lime green selampit to the pink one, and hung my lime green one at the window sill. I look very nice. I like pink. It makes my beberd warm.

After that I don't know how, suddenly only I standing outside the detention centre.

I feel very free. I feel like I can fly. But I cannot. I very sad.

So I ran. And ran. And ran. The birds told me my face come out TV. But I don't believe, because I never watch TV.

Then I met one old lady.

Old Lady: Eh, why you wear until like that one?
Me: I like this pink selampit which I found.

Old Lady: Wear properly lah. Go and wear shirt and pants.
Me: Shirt and pants?

Old Lady: Yah. You wear like that, your beberd become cold, you know.

So I went to the old lady's house to change clothes because I don't want my beberd to become cold. I kept the glitter pink selampit inside plastic bag.

Then I watch TV. My face come out with me wearing a lime green selampit. Then I got an idea. I change into clothes already, so people cannot recognize me. See? I very clever.

Now, people don't know me anymore.

I thanked the old lady, and went out of the house................

To be continued...

P.S: I like pink.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-09T13:08:00.001+08:00

What is the use of a holiday, if it falls on a weekend?

It feels like any other weekend for all I care. It's like a holiday yet you still have to go to school and do shit. Now, that's just a metaphor, but you get what I mean. When all the merry people celebrating Vesak Day are having 'tahlil' on green fields and the monks chanting mojo...

I wonder...

Don't they feel a little more satisfied getting their personal short vacation on a working day? They wouldn't have to go to offices early in the morning, wind through the traffic as dawn breaks, or even find themselves nodding off to sleep on their desks.

They could jolly well wear yellow robes together or whatever holding bells and what else being blithsome with the many friends of the same race without having to worry of their immense work pile.

Personally, I feel holidays should mean, well, holidays itself.

holiday [C often plural] Br E a period of time when you do not work or study
and do things for pleasure instead.

The world is so hectic, even a holiday doesn't seem special anymore.

And right now in Singapore, a holiday only means if you have a long M.C. Now that's a real holiday, if you have a convincing illness or maybe the practitioner is your own dad. It would be nice, wouldn't it?

So go and get chicken pox or the epidemic flu.

*LAUGHS*

Annnnnnd guess what?

I HAVE THE DAMNED GLIDER! Oh, sweet Scrooge's nuts I have never felt so happy in my entire life, it felt like my mom has just given birth or something. Now I'm planning on a kite-ing vacation after the competition. *wags brows*

YESSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHH!!!

NEXT.

I had an intense dream last night. And I just had to be awakened at the rise of the climax. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. I was the bloody hero, okay. I was going to shoot that damned thing right in between the villain's eyes........and then...

RABIATUUUULLLL. BANGUN!

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH.

I had my catapult aimed so nicely at that boy's head because he stole my fried chicken or something. I can't remember. It was just like one of the scenes in Fighting Spiders. And in my dreams, I was the fat bespectacled kid.

Now I have to pray getting a re-run from Morpheus tonight. Bleargh.

Now, what is it about iPhones which make people go crazy?

They can't bluetooth, they need iTunes for music and videos and shit. I'm not hoping for one the last time I heard about it, but now I am because I'm getting it free.

Now that's the ONLY thing about iPhones which gets me mad.

My school promised to get each Diploma takers an iPhone. But now, they could only provide an iTouch (which is ready for collection). If I took the iTouch now, I wouldn't get the iPhone. Why?!

I HATE THE NEW MANAGEMENT.

I'm still waiting for Boy Smart and R-osak to give me the full details, and keep pressing on the management for the freebies. I WANT IT. because it's free. Who doesn't love free things?

P.S: I WANT MY IPHONE.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-08T10:38:00.001+08:00

I ate a chicken kebab last night.

And it ain't no normal kebab. Because that kebab was so lucky to become my first since ages, and it was delectable. To me, it specially marked a day that I finally ate a chicken kebab. With a packet of Milo.

It was special.

Simpler said, it was out of the ordinary because I have never felt so satisfied filling my stomach with just that. It was actually my dinner which I finally had at 11.45pm yesterday, albeit the vast time span since my lunch at 1.50pm earlier.

IF ONLY...

....I would have ordered Seafood Fried Rice without vegetables, or probably Beef Hor Fun, maybe Laksa, and I could also do with Nasi Pattaya. Oh oh, Murtabak too. Roti Bomb and Fried Rice with Red Beef Sauce. *rubs chin* MacDonalds or Kentucky would be nice too.

With a glass of Green Tea, F&N Cherry, Pepsi, Sprite, or maybe Ginger Ale.

I must be hungry.

I AM HUNGRY.

And I'm exhausted too. Just came back from a morning jog and now I'm dead sleepy. Nad "O", you gotta thank me for this. Good luck.

Besides that, I hope PACE will secure me a career for the meantime, before I embark on a freelancing clothing line in the near future. By then, I suppose I would have accumulated a sum for a capital, probably for a lease too, and would be enough for my entire wedding.

Ehem. *LAUGHS*

Aku rasa macam nak terberak bila Bang Mail kata dia
nak masuk minang lepas NS...
Eh. Eh. ASAL MACAM
SAMA JE NIE!!?? Aku takut siak. Bukan kata terberak, dah macam berak pastu kena
paksa makan taik gitu.

I'm bleeding in my guts if anyone prodded about my marriage.

Lucky my ass, it's not happening any time sooner. So you people can just breathe and relax. You can start panicking when I finally break the news. By then, I would be a spineless walking dead with my own pulsating heart in the palm of my hand.

Till then..

I would still be on standby. The other half is capable of many surprises. I wouldn't want to be caught with green shit again.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-07T12:53:00.003+08:00

WHAAAATTTTT!!!!???

Now I'm worried. Not worried, really. But more like panicking. And the thing about panicking which I hate most is that it makes my shit green. Ugh. Aside from the multiple quandries I am facing like a huge slap on my face right now, I am not prepared for it.

Hmmm.

Now tell me, what the hell am I supposed to do, again? Oh yes.

*PANICS LIKE A DERANGED WOMAN*

Boyfriend was already stressed up (well, that makes two of us) with making weight. He's got less than a week to lose 8 damned kilogrammes after the very short notice, and I could almost picture a toothpick with a bobbing skeletal head by the end of it.

How depressing.

As for me, let's just say I have approximately less than a week to get in shape. Let's not talk about this. It's dejecting. I have promised not to prattle about this harrowing topic ever again.

It's making me hopeless.

NEXT.

I missed Project Runway and Tim Gunn's Guide To Style last night. Danggit. God knows why, but I slept 4 times altogether. Should have been my morning sickness which made me so bleeding sleepy. Damn that.

I was informed that class was cancelled ONLY after I had reached school.

I was in a mad rush jeeziz sake, and when I got there, they told me it was cancelled. What happened to common sense!? Can't they just text or call me to inform of new schedules and grades? You can't expect me to be there all the time.

I AM PAYING FREAKING ADULT FARE, NUTS.

The new management is making me and my classmates crazy. Seriously. Don't they know anything? God. *throws hands up and rolls eyes*

Ergh.

On a lighter note, my cousin is finally bringing his glider tomorrow! *jumps around* FINALLY! Weehuu! Weehuu! I simply can't wait to fly that damned thing. The girlfriends would get to know first hand about it.

Still, I am stressed up.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-06T13:20:00.001+08:00

I lost the bet.

*screams* I just have to figure something out to drive my way around. Dammit!

Why in the hell do I have to cry? And talk like a darn faggot with something in my bloody throat. I must look like a Chinese ghost with all my mascara running all over the place. A complete ship wreckage.

I braved myself walking lifelessly with swollen goldfish eyes before retorting anyone who questioned me. Told them I was punched in the face by the Satan.

Atleast I made a joke. Ha-Ha.

The cycle to nowhere with SpideyBaby proved to be enlightening. Atleast for me it was. Honestly, I did learn something from the kid. He won me over for being so wise, hands down. Amazed as I was, we shared a couple of stories, too.

Oh, and I get to see Lutut Bengkok yesterday.

No, wait. He got to see me. That retard had grown quite fat since his recent operation. Hell knows how many surgeries he has to undergo. I was told this time, it was to remove the screws. Yeah right.

"Because you always screwed up, kan? Hahaha."

Nad "O" has set an appointment with me on this coming Friday morning. *LAUGHS*

The third person to call me BOSS.

What the heck. Hahaha.

Maybe, I could ask for another body massage? *bats eyelashes* Right now, I'm still feeling quite miserable. Shawtay wanted to see me present for the Sports Council career talk tomorrow. *sighs* Guess till then, I will still be hanging on by a thread.

I need to make wise choices. And TRY to forget what others have to say.

Because THEY don't pay me.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-05T12:56:00.000+08:00

Same guy. Every week.

What's his name? What's his age? What is he doing there every Monday? Has he no work to do? Or is he working there? Tonnes of questions raced through the minds of Sassyfella and I.

DOES HE HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

*LAUGHS* We both have met his eyes before, walked passed each other, brushing by just the seams of our clothes. Never smiled. Never talked. Who is he?

Not that he's drop dead gorgeous or anything, but I fell in love with his body the moment I saw it. If he could only just clear away his epidemic-neverending acne on his face, maybe I would fall for him. *LAUGHS*

Sassyfella and I had a very long chat while soaking ourselves wet in the jacuzzi pool.

Only thing was, the jacuzzi was turned off.

So we had to pretend that we were holding martini glasses and basking in the bubbling supposedly hot waters with the sun above till we got our skin dirt-black. It was disgusting. Luckily it has cleared off.

We were both practically gasping ourselves in horror comparing our skin in the shower cubicles.

*LAUGHS*

Next week...

Hope the same guy is there. WHEN IS HE GOING TO START TALKING!!??

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-04T11:35:00.001+08:00

"...and I promise you that it's only the beginning. There will be more where
that came from..."

Just what I needed to hear, to clear me from my disconsolated self. The 2 hours bus rides. The long walk. The copywrited phrases from Taken. And just the big boy.

When Saturday was just the start of a new day, yesterday got even better.

The body massage from Nad "O" got me dazed before I forced her to tap my bum-bum and trace my ears to sleep. I didn't know I was hugging SpideyBaby's bagpack while dreaming. While the boys were busy being dramatic with Zacko's new baby.

I swear they fell in love with it.

Not forgetting watching themselves being stupid. *LAUGHS* Anyway, I had to get a very long educational chat with Beautiful Bouncer on the phone last night before resuming with the other half.

NEXT.

I have been eating alot recently, and Boyfriend seems to too, like as if he hasn't got any diet to follow. I'm pretty afraid myself.

It is raining outside. I want to go swimming with Sassyfella, so it better stop soon.

P.S: Dearest Nad "O", thank you so much for the post, whilst understanding me and supporting me in my decision. I think it is time, too. Thank you so much.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-03T09:43:00.006+08:00

Mutton's Maladroit: The Birth of Butt Talk (Part XIV)

[EPISODE OF BUDAK DEGIL NAK MAMPOS]
Note: This post is done from research and loads of experience. Do not attempt to copy. This is just for entertainment.

Dulu mak aku selalu cakap, takmo memain kat dapur tu. Kau pepaham je lah. Aku nie kan maseh bebudak. Budak yang selalu duduk diam tu lah budak yang tak normal. Nie mak aku yang tak reti-reti lagi, asek aku masuk dapur terkinja-kinja jer, nanti dia piat telinga aku nih.

Aku sedih ah.

Aku tengok mak aku nih kalau bab piat piat telinga lah, selalu satu telinga jer dia aim. Sampai besar sebelah telinga kiri aku nie. Aku ader feeling telinga favourite dia kot. Ntahlah.

Cerita dia sebenarnya macam gini.

Satu hari tu aku masuklah dapur, mak aku tengah masak spaghetti. Aku peh hidung nie kan sensitif sikit bila bau-bau nie. Aku pun masuk ler eksyen kepo kepo mak minah. Sekali aku ter'accident'.

Aku pun ter'slip' ah.

Yang bestnye, aku jatuh bukan kat pantat aku nih, kat muka aku jatuh. Tak kesian muka hensem aku nie benyek. Ish. Aku rasa hidung aku mcm sakit ah, tapi takpe.

Dah skit tuh, sekali terasa berat pulak.

Aku pun pegang lah hidung aku. Kot kot patah ke hape. Aku menjerit. Mak aku da dengar aku jerit tu, dia toleh lah pe lagi. Dia pun jerit.

"OH, MY SONNNNN!!!!!"

Baru aku tahu kenapa. Aku ingat hidung aku berat sebab kena hentak. Sekali rupa-rupanya ......

...TERCACAK DENGAN GARPU DAAAAH~.

Sapa yang salah sekarang?

Aku memang da dasar kekanak budu ape suka memain. Mak aku pulak punyalah bangang pergi letak garpu kat lantai aper cerita. Dah buang tebiat? Aku rasa dia nak bikin 'trap' ah, so aku tak memain kat dapur dia lagi.

ITU BARU TERSUMBAT KAT HIDUNG, KALAU KAT MATA????

Mau buta aku nanti. Mak aku lah tu yang salah. CHET!

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-02T12:12:00.000+08:00

I get to waddle in the sea for awhile, watching professional air gliders with amaze-ze-zing flying displays and manouvering skills. I was awed, and suddenly it struck me that I am still waiting for that particular cousin to deliver the glider safe in my hands.

HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE!??

Anyway, I only decided to come up shore after getting abit too deep, getting the seams of my playsuit wet. (Which was only rolled up half of my calves. So now you knew why I waddled) Washing off the sediments, I had a little chat with Fieq, my younger cousin sister.

She was the one who initiated the conversation, anyway. *shrugs*

I was only concentrating on building castles in the air while munching on RollerCoaster Rings. And also imagining myself manhandling the damned glider, swaggering my abilities. I wonder when that will happen. *LAUGHS*

Oh.

Since I decided not to tag along for a shopping trip to Perth with Blurcock, I had requested him for a pair of Coach white wedges. He's going to a Coach warehouse or something so I'm making him buy atleast ONE item for his beloved cousin. *bats eyelashes*

Boyfriend asked me out today.

I think he must be making his brains work to cheer me up or something since I sounded pretty despondent these few days. Thing is, Singapore is darn small till we're out of places to go. And it's always the same problem.

A movie, perhaps?

P.S: Mood is gone.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-05-01T13:52:00.001+08:00

My crap floats in the pit of my toilet bowl this morning. That must be some healthy shit albeit all the grilled seafood I gobbled down from the family pit last night. Birthday boy was busy walking a few kilometres to fetch a pail of water, coming back like 20 minutes later.

So I had to wash my soiled hands in the pitch black sea.

I was just paranoid that some grossly pair of hands would suddenly emerge from the waters to grab hold of my neck, I had to force Daddy to accompany me. *cheeky face*

Blurcock came with his blur-est cock face ever (well, literally) and out of the blue, I told him..

Me: Nan, I am appointing you to be my chef.
Blurcock: For what?
Me: My wedding day.

Me: I want it simple yet clean. Western but not too traditional. Spaghetti, and anything with loads of cheese.
Blurcock: *LAUGHS*

A few minutes later.

Blurcock: *excitedly* Eh eh, boleh ah. Bila tu?
Me: Hmm. Dalam 2013 or 2014 gitu.

Blurcock: *thinks* EH! Sama ah! Boleh ah. Hehe.
Me: Tu ah. But make sure I get married before you do ah.

Perasan.

Okay, that was just a random night joke. I don't know if he thought I was serious about it, but what the heck, atleast I have secured catering for my future nuptial rites. *LAUGHS*

Anyway I told Daddy my wedding expenses would probably accumulate to a minimum of $30,000.

"Eh, boleh jadi jugak tau. Tengok lah your deco, campur catering semua berapa."

CHET.

Is that a green light I presume? *LAUGHS* Funny thing is, my parents have been talking alot about marriage and it scares me boneless. It's the whole wedding thing that my oestrogens are shivering at.

Someone told me that if I am afraid of marrying, then don't get married...........yet. I guess my opinions would change later in the years as I get a little more wiser. I wouldn't want to look like a wobbling old granny to my kids, you know.

NEXT.

I wonder when is Annimal going to get the freaking Wii. I'm dying to play it over at his house. *skips around* And Blurcock has bought a ticket for himself to Perth, and I want to go too! But first...

I NEED A JOB. *LAUGHS*

I have a lot of things that I want to do today, but that will depend on my mood. Currently, things have not been going so smoothly, and I am taking care of it. Come Tuesday, I hope I would see that burden lifted off my shoulders and I would be free.

And I can't wait for it to rejoice.

P.S: It's like a magic disappearing act. Then you saw it, now you don't. The best of simplest technology provides a key on the board which captures everything that one SMART mind could swiftly think of, chancing upon it. Haven't you heard?

It is called, SCREENSHOT. *winks*

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-30T12:31:00.003+08:00

I was awakened by a brutal jolt early this morning, I thought I was electrocuted.

It was only 8.32am. I am never a morning person since the last 5 years, and what made it even more depressing besides my brain being in a scrambled mess was a text message I received much earlier while I was asleep.

I have never fancied being on deathbeds.

"Damned these last minutes."

People in my house would not be happy if I told them about the information at the eleventh hour. I have yet to acknowledge the sender, and weighing the options seems so hard if I had to choose between the obvious.

I have a lot of priorities right now, I need a bloody twin. *sighs*

Anyway...

...I had a disturbing meal of instant Laksa noodles (that's why I had mild diarhhoea) last night over Project Runway, before burning my throat with bubbling Ale watching Tim Gunn's Guide To Style.

Why does the latter have a weird sonorous accent anyway?

His annoying "MAKE IT WORK, MAKE IT WORK." phrase made me feel like slapping him to his swollen balls. But his assistant, Miss What's-Her-Name is gorgeous. Though her makeup made her look too tanned, okay no, burnt really, she's pretty.

Sigh.

Man, I am not a miserable kid, but I feel miserable now. I am going to be miserable today, it's daunting. I must have woken up on the wrong side along with the sudden hit-by-a-bombshell moment, my whole bed probably shook. I can't get back to sleep after that.

Lucky enough Boyfriend was awake for his morning practice, though he can't do much to help, atleast I had someone to talk and whine to.

Hmm.

I'm still waiting for my cousin to hand me his glider to fly. WHEN IS HE GOING TO DO THAT!? *folds arms and sulk*

P.S: To YOU BOTH. Look, I never mean any harm in yesterday's post, but you boys took it real deep and I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I am aware that I have not been attending as much training as you guys are, busting asses with so much determination. I guess you have misinterpreted the purpose of my entry yesterday.

Note this, it is not me who implemented those comments in the first place.

Relatives and friends have shunned my activities in this field for a lot of things, but my family and I have never said a word. People are talking about me, I am seriously torn. I am in a dilemma, you know that? I don't have day classes like you guys do. It's hard dividing my time for alot of things and reasons.

Nak kena jaga hati ramai orang. And it's hard.

I understand your wrath, and I am hurt when I am labelled sarcastically as "good".

we know we can't kick as good as you...
we know we can't perform as wonderful as you do...
we aren't as talented as you are...

I have never swaggered about anything. It's not as if I don't attend them without an explanation. I have reasons when I asked,

"must i come" or "nak kena datang eh"

..and it's not because I am plain lazy to attend them. And everytime I miss practice, I would inform the in-charge. Maybe I am not as driven as you people. Maybe I don't have enough determination as you, not enough motivation you have, that's why the tirade over at your personal space.

Again, I humbly apologize if any of this ignites any sort of frustration to you people.

And if I am really unwanted in the team, I really don't mind ending my path in this field. Just be kind enough to tell me professionally, and I am happy to leave.

Thank you for your kind understanding.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-29T14:06:00.001+08:00

Looks like I have to give training a miss since I have to catch school tonight.

I wonder if I could request for early schedule from Wak Hensem. Hmmm. *rubs chin* Competition is coming, and the artistic team is clearly exhibiting slacking performance. The match team are busting their asses off everyday, and us?

We train at least twice a week, jeeziz.

I couldn't agree more with the naysayers who happen to critique.

I wouldn't find myself in the team long, perhaps. The atmosphere's so different now compared to the traditional donkey years. People are different. Trainings are different. If I had my say, I surely missed last year's practice with the whole team.

You know.

The butterflies in my stomach I used to have everytime I'm accounted for trainings, the sweat and sacrifice, the motivation from friends and coaches, the ridiculous programmes which left us like madmen, the brainfeezing ice baths.

I don't know why, but I missed those days we ended our day totally exhausted, our legs and arms felt like jell-o, the screamings in the showers from the searing cuts we got, and of course, not forgetting the smell of body odour and sweat from all of us when we cheered.

I missed being last in every run, too. *LAUGHS*

It's so different now.

It's hard catering to different needs especially when we're short of manpower and stuff.

I wonder till when. Honestly, I feel jealous of the match squad coming together for practice everyday, seeing those familiar faces, joking whilst focusing together. They're all tight and shit.

We have none that, nowhere, no more.

And some people think we're a god damned bunch of big shots, who lacks proper trainings and just be in the competition to lose! They're having their last laugh, jeeziz. And it hurts me well lot knowing it came from people I am close to.

How the hell are we supposed to prove?

I am slowly getting tired of all these. *sigh*

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-28T12:01:00.000+08:00

It's raining outside.

Seems like it has been on alternate days. I'd like to think God is compensating for his wrath of blistering hot conditions for nearly two weeks now. My aircon and fan has been working very hard lulling me to a good sleep.

Thank balls I'm free from ill, already.

It's just the aftermath filled with vomiting and nausea that's just bothering me. Beautiful Bouncer thinks I haven't got my stomach filled, but I told her I was pregnant with twins.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

And what's with Imeem and 30 seconds streamings? Now I have to pick videos for the blog. Not that it's a huge fuss or anything, but I don't like it for some unknown reasons.

Ultimately, some songs aren't available on music videos. Shit.

I tried Mixpod too, but I don't know how come it fails to appear on my blog. I ended up getting frustrated with Imeem all over again. I can't stick with the silence for awhile. I think I'll die.

Hmm.

Gym today, and then I want to rush for dinner with Daddy before travelling back home to catch Fighting Spiders. Maybe abit of Be Kind Rewind DVD after that and then prepare for bed.

Bye.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-27T11:37:00.002+08:00

A week being out of sorts was undoubtedly fun. And that doesn't mean I stayed home throughout. You guys know I can't stand moping around watching the walls, right? Being ill was the perfect getaway, till I forgot I was still on medication.

Never knew where I've been?

Jeeziz, I've been shopping all day at Johore in many shopping centres, shopping at Bugis, met up with Beautiful Bouncer for two straight days to shop, I went dating under the temperature, and I ate good food.

All in all, I WENT SHOPPING.

Ahhh~.

It was wonderful. Perfect. And today, I am back on track. So is Boyfriend. *chuckles*

First up, gym training with Sassyfella today. I wonder what has gone into that girl. Ultimately, she's OBSESSED with my body. Calls it hot and beautiful. I find it funny coming from a lady, though. But she has dreams of getting my physique, by the end of this year. And I'm freaking responsible for it.

What was going through her mind when she asked her blog readers to check ou tmy ass, thighs and calves if they chanced upon me outside? What? It was so embarassing, but I thank her for looking up to me in an..........unorthodox fashion.

She must be sick in the brain.

*LAUGHS* I can't promise, but I can convince, babes. Now, don't come chasing my ass if you don't see satisfactory results.

ANYWAY....

...I FINALLY GOT THE PLAYSUIT THAT I WANTED!

Omg omg omg. After weeks of searching it, I got the perfect piece in my hands last afternoon. There's alot more tale where that came from but trust me, you wouldn't want to hear the juicy bits.

Just read.

I GOT THE FIRST AND LAST PIECE OF MY KIND. I am a damn proud of myself, and soon I would be my very own fashion designer. *cat whistles* I can't wait for my third lesson.

Life is good. Life is good. Life is good.

P.S: Gentle Giant. I am getting to it. Trust me on this alright.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-26T13:07:00.006+08:00

Mutton's Maladroit: The Birth of Butt Talk (Part XIII)

[EPISODE OF POLICE AND CRAZY CONTRACTOR]
Note: This post is done from research and loads of experience. Do not attempt to copy. This is just for entertainment.

Me: Aku adalah polis yang bertauliah dan tercontoh. Aku bangga menjadi seorang polis.

Me: HANDS UP! Kau kena tangkap basah kerana membuat tempat ini macam nenek kau peh tempat.
B.B: Tolong lah Cik Po, saya dah berapa hari tak makan, tak minum, tak kencing. Tolong lah saya Cik Po.

Me: APER KENA MENGENA KAU TAK MAKAN DENGAN KAU BUAT TEMPAT NIE MACAM TEMPAT NENEK KAU!? Aku sekel kepala kau.
B.B: Adoi! Sakit lah Cik. Toksah lah pukul aku. Kesian aku.

B.B: Sesungguhnya nenek kau kan sama ngan nenek aku. *whispers* Aper peh bodoh polis nie.
Me: Oh ye tak ye eh. Haha. Aku luper lak kiter nie sedara.

B.B: TOLONG LAH CIK TAKMO TANGKAP SAYA. SAYA NK CARIK MAKAN JER CIK!!!
Me: *dalam hati* Kantoi pulak. Malunyer akuuuuu. Apesal aku tak tawu dekni sedara aku. Control macho. Control Macho

B.B: Yes! YES! Plan aku menjadi!

Me: Ya. Sayalah Polis yang berbakti kepada negara. *senyum kat camera*

Me: Jangan lah bikin aku ketawe, Nyah. Geli hati aku nih Nyah.

B.B: Aku kena ader plan untuk hapuskan polis bodoh nie. Hmm.

Me: Kau diri sekarang. Aper yang kau minum tu? Beer ke todi?
B.B: *dalam hati* Dasar tak sekolah betoi polis nie. Todi ngan beer kan sama. Aku tengah minum Ice lemon Tea lah.

B.B: Kau nak minum jugak ker? Nah, amek nie minum. (Aku dah racunkan air. HAHAHAHA.)
Me: Sodap betol. Tapi apsal ader rasa hancing sikit nie air dia. Shoot je lah.

B.B: YAH! Sekarang adalah masanya untuk aku perambat polis bangang nie.
Me: Apsal aku rasa pening-pening belaka nie? Macam nak pengsan pulak.

Me: Eksyen mati ah.
B.B: AKHIRNYA DIA DAH MAMPOS!

Me: *mati* Sesak napas aku nie nk tahan breathing.
B.B: Yaaaaaaaaasiiiinnnn. Walqur'aaanilhakeem. Bla bla bla...

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-25T12:49:00.000+08:00

My fever's not going anywhere anytime soon. So is my headache.

Boyfriend has been badgering my stubborn self to consume my medication time and again. I don't know why I'm just plain lazy to do so. Maybe I just need someone to serve me the pills and a glass of water.

Being a pampered child do have its vexing moments.

*sighs*

The world is so hot now, yeah?

It's so hot, it would turn balls purple. And that's just a metaphor anyway. I had to sleep with the aircon AND the fan blasting at me for a week now. And it doesn't help that I sleep naked, too.

*LAUGHS*

Alright. I'm off.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-24T13:50:00.003+08:00

I'm no expert in rating movies, but I had a hell lot of bloody murder screaming in the cinema yesterday evening watching Jangan Tegur. Beautiful Bouncer must be deaf by now. And I think I ain't recovering anytime soon after shrieking my ass off for almost 85 minutes.

Typical of all Malay horror movies, the most annoying fraction of the whole flick is the stupid sound effects prior climax. Sodding blue balls, I fell for it every single time, and I still get scared shitless.

*rolls eyes*

Papers have graded it half of the ratings, so it's average to them. *snorts*

But I think it's better than Jangan Pandang Belakang and Congkak. Brother who had caught the movie earlier claimed the ghosts in it has better quality than the latter and after watching it, I know why.

Pierre Andre sure does hire good makeup artists.

I don't want to be a party pooper for those who have yet to catch Jangan Tegur in the cinemas, but who the hell cares. I am, and going to gather my......(let's not say critic).....analysation right now.

*clears throat*

Firstly, the storyline ain't predictable at all. Which is good. You would have that precise "ah-hah!" moment soon towards the end. Of which by then, you noobs can finally put the pieces together, making some sense out of the story.

Secondly, it's not by Ahmad Idham (previous director of JPB and Congkak), so expect modern twists in the movie itself. Like coloured contact lenses, and Western horror junctures.

AND....

Thirdly. Shit, Pierre Andre (the director) must have watched too much Exorcist, his possessed cast looked EXACTLY like the girl who was tied to the bed, vomitting bile at some old dying priest.

TRUST ME. EXACTLY THE SAME.

Blue skin, white contacts, wagging tongue, strange satanic voice.

No sense of originality, but atleast now Malay ghosts are far better in calibre. So far, the cinema last evening had it's fairshare of screamings. There's waves of murmurs around, and some dickheads are trying to be Hero Tamil.

Beautiful Bouncer: Cerita dia tak sepatutnya panggil 'Jangan Tegur'.
Me: Abeh aper?
Beautiful Bouncer: Dia kena panggil 'Jangan Carik Pasal'.

Watch it, if you want to know why.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Daddy: Kalau belakang peha is hamstring. Kalau depan peha, hamster.

-_______________-"

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-23T14:10:00.002+08:00

I am no Super-She Man, that is why I could'nt recover as quick as some people. (READ: I also don't abstain myself from ice cold drinks) Which is of no wonder my flu fails to disappear. Good grief, I am still stuck on nasal. Bleargh.

At least I find it cute. *LAUGHS*

My fever is playing hide-and-seek with the thermometer, and I am done knocking myself out to keep the migraines off but it keeps coming like a disease.

As if I haven't had enough already? I am a walking epidemic, balls. I drag myself around the house like a dying old woman, taking stupid quizzes on facebook, playing Pet Society and chatting up random assholes on MSN.

I'M BORED.

R-osak would understand that. I mean, why would'nt he, right? We ended up talking about the seemingly non-existent Puteri Gunung Ledang, salsa dancing and brassieres yesterday.

Thanks alot for calling me "Minah Sakit", eh.

And this "Minah Sakit" would want to join the trial session for Salsa. It costs just 10 bucks per hour, plus, it's only exploratory. So why not spend some fun, just for the fun of it?

Mummy said it's a waste of money. Chet.

Probably because she's jealous that she doesn't know the meaning of fun. *chuckles*

I'm giving it a thought. Sessions are coming 3rd May, so I have plenty of time to probably ask the males around as my partner-for-a-day. *cheeky face* Boyfriend have once spoken his thoughts of coupling up with me for it, when I told him I wanted to learn Bachata.

Once before. Hmm.

Anyway, I HATE ICE COLD BATHS. And Teaser, yes, I'm still alive. And thank you so much for the takbir last night. Sure do it helped. *rolls eyes*

And little did I know, Boyfriend has been skipping trainings himself eversince I got ill. *LAUGHS* Now who would ever think he would do such a thing, right? But nooo, he had been missing them for 4 days straight now.

"Sehati sejiwa lah konon."

*LAUGHS*

Probably just because he gets sick of being disheartened time and again for cancelled or postponed trials. Everyone is. Just so to make sure that this ain't going to be the butt of all talks, the Federation should have came up with something.

Hmm.

I don't know what, but they better do.

My drive is dissipating so soon already. Okaylah, nak berak.

2009-04-22T13:46:00.012+08:00

Fat.Butt.Slim

Pardon my absence yesterday. If you may understand, I am currently running a high temperature and I am solely blaming last weekend's absurd jog under the sun as the cause. I hate it.

I hate the sun so much I think I'm allergic to it.

And I ain't kidding. I mean, I used to be allergic to it during primary school days. I get these horrendous rashes all over my body, and I even got a doctor's letter to stay away from physical activities under the sun. My schoolmates think I'm alien.

Because when everyone is standing at the parade ground blistered by the heat, I am sheltered in the air-conditioned library to sing national anthems and listen to morning speeches and shit.

Which I think it's cool.

And now...

.....because of being conditioned to refrain from the rays of the big ball of fire for so many years, it resulted the poor ol' Mutton to experience side effects. Which could be deadly, apart from getting chances of skin cancer, that is.

MY LIFE IS AT STAKE HERE PEOPLE!

I am so paranoid, I even did researches, okay.

There have been cases where people get skin cancer from exposure to x-rays,
hereditary, the environment and even past sunburns during childhood.

Plus, research has also shown that once you get sunburnt, your chances of getting skin cancer will be inclined, even if it happens years later. Of which, if you get several sunburns over a lifetime, it would triple the risk of it.

TELL ME HOW CAN I NOT BE MANIC?!

Don't blame me. Blame my skin for being so sensitive and the sun for being too harsh.

HMPH. *pouts*

And if you're dark-skinned, don't think that you can slip away from getting sunburnt, okay. We ALL equal. So go out and buy the 130 SPF sunscreen if you wish to play under the weather. Or not.

I'm putting it on whether I'm out of the house or ain't. I don't care.

P.S: 39.2 degrees.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-20T12:01:00.000+08:00

Just great.

A flu bug has to crash land onto me, and now I have nasal voice atop my low-soft tone from all the hard coughing. How dangerous is that, Boyfriend? *inside joke* Bahaha.

Anyway..

DON'T YOU EVER ASK ME HOW AM I AFTER I HAVE SWEATED POOLS UNDER THE HOT RAYS OF THE BURNING SUN, JOGGING LIKE AN ASSHOLE.

Of course I am not.

Some people really never understood the oh-so-famous research that the sun would be at its harshest during 10am till 4pm. Do you know how my chances of getting skin cancer would heighten? Which part of it do you bollocks not understand?

ARGH.

On a lighter note, I had my fun, ALMOST (because of the damned jog. I wonder who was that retard who initiated the idea) with Gigi Monster yesterday. Apparently, the other half annouced to the family that he'd going to be sick after he cleaned up, so too bad.

He just can't keep up with the ultimate hyper. *winks*

Plus, he missed out on the beer and skittles of riding through rough patches, the adrenaline of nearly knocking down those idiots who happen to stop IN THE BLEEDING MIDDLE of a track for a chat, losing the car's keys and being 'chased' by health-nut joggers.

And swimming in the sea.

Meet up with girlfriend Sassyfella for gym later, and then training afterwards if I feel well enough. I feel like my throat is already bleeding.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-19T10:33:00.011+08:00

Mutton's Maladroit: The Birth of Butt Talk (Part XII)

[EPISODE OF BUDAK BARU NAK BELAJAR JAHIT]
Note: This post is done from research and loads of experience. Do not attempt to copy. This is just for entertainment.

Me: Nie cara-caranya, first step to become a Matrep. Lidah kau jolok pipi camnie, beb.
Beautiful Bouncer: Aku tanak jadi Matrep. Aku nak jadi Minah Kahwin-Kahwin. Mana nie boipren aku tak call call?

Me: Pastu gini beb. Lidah kau jolok langit-langit kau pulak. Step cool.
B.B: *dalam hati* Bising ah budak sebelah aku nie. Ah! Boipren aku dah mesej pon. Ohh, I LAP YOU MAI DAHLEENG.

Me: Aku kalau nak ader idea menjahit nie beb, kena exercise muka aku nih sikit.
B.B: *dalam hati* Muka macam babi hutan ader lah. Cute lah boipren aku nie, macam anak monyet.

Me: Kau tengok nie. Babat bersepah kat lengan kau. Meh aku check pakai ruler nie.
B.B: Tak sangka aku ader muscle banyak gitu. Tak macam kau, aper aje yang ader.

B.B: Ye tuan tuan. Ginilah caranya mengukur bahu ke pinggang. Kau pegang satu end, lagi satu pandai-pandai kau nk letak mana ye. Pinggang tak jumpa pun takpe. Mungkin tercicir ditengah jalan ye tuan-tuan.
Me: *dalam hati* Kepala hotak dia pinggang aku tercicir. Pinggang dia tu yang hilang. Pinggang aku sihat aje. CHET. Takper, control jambu.

B.B: Seterusnya, nie lah part yang paling best. Ukur punat dia ye tuan-tuan.
Me: Gelilah aku. Geli lah! Geli gilenyer punat aku nie. Pipih habis. Gelilah geliiii~. Woo, geli.

Me: Takleh ukur dekat-dekat nie. Kang dia gigit kepala aku sampai tercabut kang, tak jadi polong aku nie nanti.
B.B: *dalam hati* Buat muka cenggini biar kasi dia takut sikit ngan aku. Macam khinzir monster.

B.B: Kau nak ukur leher aku ker nak bikin rantai choker?
Me: Diam eh kau. Kau gerak jer aku cekik kau ngan tali ukur nie sampai babat kau keluar dari hidung.

B.B: Aku diri straight, posture aku macam baik ah beb.
Me: Diam lah! Aku tengah konsentrasi nie. *dalam hati* Budak nie aku jitak jugak kang...

Me: Now for the chest. Ketiak kau basah jer aku tengok.
B.B: Tu lah. Aku nak keringkan nie, nak buat robotique-tektonik move. Kan dorang swing-swing tangan gini.

Me: *dalam hati* Bilerlah buah dada aku nak besar macam dekni?
B.B: FUH! Watermelon pon kalah. Terserlah betul ilmu didada aku yer.

B.B: Eh, kau picit lagi kat situ, aku luper punat aku kat mana.
Me: Punat kau hilang?

Me: *draw draw*
B.B: *draw FART FART draw*

Me: Dua setengah campur suku tolak hoon braper? Pukul empat tigabelas saat, lima minit hoon, kan?
B.B: Gasak engkau lah. Satu campur satu braper? Macam aku pernah bikin.

B.B: Asal pelik benar size baju aku draw nie? Dah macam alas meja jer aku tengok.
Me: Itu kan miniskirt kau. Tadi aku dah ukur. Kau nak miniskirt yang boleh nampak sodalam nye kan?

B.B: Kalau nak miniskirt yang nampak sodalam, baik kau bikin sodalam jer. Tu namanyer kreatif.
Me: Abeh kalau nak bikin sodalam asal nak kena ukur punat tadi?

Gua ingat belajar jahit tu senang maner. Sampai senget pinggang gua dibuatnyer. Kertas tulis dah dua kali gua koyak, sebab salah draw. Si gemuk tu setengah jalan dah give up, gi mandilah konon nak hilangkan bau masam dia.

Sebab tak mandi 3 hari dah.

Gua diraba, digosok, digiling, dilenyek, dimolest. Dengan rela hati gua kasi alat sulit gua dipicit. Nasib baik dipicit, kalau dicubit? Tak terkencet gua nanti.

Next week gua dah start potong kain.

Si gemuk tu paitao. Ader gua susah-susah potong kain, dia nak pergi jula-juli dengan members dia. Ewah ewaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh. Cantik muka tiga suku hoon dia tu.

AH!? SUKAAA? SUKAAAAAAAA~?

Dah lah. Gua nak pergi hoon nie. Kalau lu belajar jahit, retilah lu makna 'hoon' tu. Lu ingat gua pakai sesuka sembrono mak bapak aku ker nak pakai perkataan 'hoon' tu.

Chalo bete hoon.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-18T12:00:00.002+08:00

I woke up this morning, struggling to utter a damned word but nothing came out. I thought God had cursed me to be mute or something. I just realised I had a bad sorethroat.

Boyfriend and I had so much fun in the galley yesterday, sweating pails frying bacons and baking Devil's Food. Don't you ask about the mess, please. Appliances and food got burnt, chocolate splattered everywhere, not forgetting the chilli and mayonaise.

Well, actually Boyfriend did all the work and supervision was done close by Hell's Kitchen Mistress, none other than myself. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

But atleast people get fed. *winks*

Which left me in dreaded frustration because I put on 3 kilogrammes (which was solely from all the food and not water) and I left the beau's home that night feeling sick to the stomach and quite mad at myself.

Also, there were some other things I was fretting over discontentedly.

My back was killing me, and I need a stronger cure, and I'm eyeing on the perfect person later this afternoon.

*clears throat*

I am foreseeing a bad cough, and my back needs a breaking remedy before I go insane. While the rest of the mates go shoot some pins in the drain (like mad people in the early morning), I'm especially excited for today's sewing class.

Like all sane mortals, in the afternoon.

Let's see, what the hell shall I don for later. *rubs chin*

To YOU: I STILL MERAJUK-ING OKAY.
To YOU: You, 45% Mat Rep. That's alot of rep in you, Mat.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-17T12:12:00.001+08:00

Let's see.

I've filed my foot, polished my nails, moisturized them both with generous amount of Citra Lasting White Extra, scrubbed my whole anatomy clean, shampooed and conditioned my mane, cut, trimmed and shaved the excessive tresses, cleaned my nose and ears. Hmm.

What else have I forgotten?

ALL CHECKED.

The grocery shopping last night will determine how tonight's dinner would look like. Apparently Boyfriend decided to help me with all the cooking later over at his place for our (to say the least) home date. How sweet.

I hope we don't burn down Mama's kitchen.

And I wonder why the hell did I even bother to lustrate and sanitize myself when I would be sweating bullets in the galley together with the other half, probably turning the house to charcoal if we were careless.

I'm afraid I just love to look good, because God is watching me.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Anyway, I have another crazy idea. I have always wanted to try crispy noodle dipped with Milo Chocolate. And Oreo Chocolate with Banana pizza, Chocolate and Strawberry Fool, anything chocolate, really.

My inventions will be showcased when I feel it is the right time to get fat.

Anybody up for it? My place this time.

P.S: Somebody owes me a back massage. *hint*

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-16T12:36:00.000+08:00

School was cancelled last minute. Apparently my lecturer had called in medical leave, so I decided to give Beautiful Bouncer a visit. For old time's sake, the usual big hugs, sinful-night indulgence, and crappy boyfriend gossips.

I got my nails done too. While watching soft porn.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.*slaps forehead*

Believe it if you must. It was an inside joke between me and Beautiful Bouncer, anyway. And I must say, comparing someone with Tila Tequila is the best if you have so much juxtaposing and criticism to share.

While pampering mysef to a manicure.

*LAUGHS* Holy balls, girls got too caught up with FB and IRC, someone broke ceramic while the other nobob got sanded nails all over her face.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Looks like I'll be seeing the sister every weekend, huh. And I have hooked myself with a sewing instructor too. *winks* The first step to my dreams. *rubs palms* And I'm dragging that fat woman to learn with me.

Plus, her dad has entrusted me to make her diet, slowly.

Now that's the hardest part.

P.S: "Oh, she's taking off her nenepok!" HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-15T12:41:00.001+08:00

I have got to get real with myself.

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WATCHING INDONESIAN DRAMAS?

*slaps face* I have always despised those seemingly neverending series, and now I caught myself glued to 'Terlanjur Cinta' every night on SCTV. I now know the meaning of high blood pressure.

Hell yes.

If there's one thing Indonesian dramas are good at, they are those irritating climactic points, affecting the emotions of us religious followers. I hate when script writers bring in extreme discrimination and hatred in EVERY drama.

Trust me. There is never ONE drama series that doesn't have one cast (or a few others) belittle-ing or humiliating another frail one like.......a daughter in-law or a servant or anything female with a pallid face.

Take 'Cinta Fitri' for example.

God, I hated that show to my ovaries.

And it has gotten down to Season 4 now. Mummy is going to die of a heart attack too soon watching it. And now she hooked me into watching 'Terlanjur Cinta'. Don't you even ask me why.

Firstly, the theme song sounded nice.

And the next, let's just say I like watching cute spouses who have yet to get their first night together. And their devil of a mother has to be the evil bitch to ruin everything. I wish I could kill her, seriously.

She is really getting on my nerves and I know it affects me so bad right now, I hope the script writer / director creates something which wouldn't let me give up to the ghost soon. That show is seriously giving me critical BP.

Can't wait for tonight's broadcast again, though. *cheeky grin*

Oh, and Fighting Spiders first nationwide transmission series last night on Channel 5 was the best. I love that bespectacled fat boy.

NEXT.

I am eating quite well now, and Boyfriend seems to be happy about it for some reason.

I have a few things on my mind.

Another successful attempt in kite-flying, a blather culinary competition showcase with MiyoIdora and Beautiful Bouncer over at my place, a heart-to-heart-gossip meeting with Divine and Sassyfella, cycling with Daddy, open-air picnics and not forgetting my brooding future plans.

So many things, so little time.

Why not I start with the basics, aye? Training and then school, tonight.

Oh, did I mention 'Terlanjur Cinta' too?

HAHAHAHA.

P.S: "Someday when I grow up, I want to see her neneh!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-14T12:19:00.001+08:00

Sassyfella got to know about the crazy-sudden-out-of-the-blue raison d'etre for my take in sewing class and now she wants to be a part of my future plans. How great is that to have a pre-work accountant taking care of finances?

*LAUGHS*

When the little nippers were getting excited for.....well...nothing (HAHAHAHAHA), I have other serious things to think about. I am positive, that I have thought it through and it might or well done be with much deliberation and constancy.

I don't want to waste any more time.

Because I don't have much of it left with all these plans going on in my thick head. I am pretty ambitious though sometimes it gets over-rrrrated but I am damn well known for my determination in getting what I want, my way. Which can be pretty frustrating.

The people would see it soon.

If I don't get it this time, I'm quitting for good.

P.S: Beautiful Bouncer, I'm learning from your mom. Pronto.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-13T12:57:00.003+08:00

Do you know that whole mind-blowing idea I just came up?

You know, the one being said I wanted to make my own clothing line? Well, maybe..JUST MAYBE if I put my heart and soul to it, my presumably impromptu conjecture would come true.

Well, since it gets so hard trying to search for a design for myself.

I know it's crazy but, you people know I am one. And I dare to be different in so many ways, so why not let this first step show the multifarious side of the Mutton? Maybe I would start a Million Dollar Mutton line. Okay, that sounded a little too cheesy.

*clears throat* I am going to take up sewing classes.

WHAAAAAAAAT?

Okay okay, so you can laugh at me. Go ahead. Trust me, I am not getting this whole 20-year old thing messing up my cognitive play but I am darn serious. No, I am not getting married soon (and the idea scares me to death) nor am I starting to get all maternal (god, I am dead).

I am just thinking of being multi-talented.

Maybe it would do me some good if I happen to lose chances in securing a fine-paying job I have been waiting for. The phone's been dead these while and I can't stand the deafening silence, awaiting for a damned call for acceptance.

The thought of Beautiful Bouncer finally getting a position for Fuji Xerox (or however it's spelt) after waiting for a month is killing me. One month!? I can't freaking wait that long. I hate waiting.

Everybody knows that.

And I loved that spontaneous idea, even if they ain't going anywhere. BUT, I get to wear new clothes every month. And it's cool to wear your own stuff, you know.

*rubs chin*

I have the wildest idea right now. But I can't let you know. YET.

I am and WILL take up that class. You do not stop me.

In the meantime, can somebody tell me where the hell can I get these? Or I have to make them myself?

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-12T11:10:00.002+08:00

Mutton's Maladroit: The Birth of Butt Talk (Part XI)

[CONFESSIONS OF A MINAH REP / GANG MEMBER]
Note: This post is done from research and loads of experience. Do not attempt to copy. This is just for entertainment.

Nama gua Baby Manja.

Gua umur baru 16 tahun, tapi Sisters gua semua kata gua BBN. BBN tu Budak Baru Naik, tu sebab gua peh members kata gua dah besar, dah boleh operate kat geng dorang. Since gua belum ada teknik membantai, gua kena suruh jadi kua chui pulak.

Kua chui pon, kua chui lah.

Janji gua accepted, gua feel belonged, gua da puas. Kekadang gua tengok Brothers ngan Sisters gua turun untuk fight, gua jealous jugak. Gua pon terfikir, bila lah gua boleh jadi terror macam dorang. Gua punya teknik terhebat pon setakat penampar Al-Manja. Tu pon nanti tulang gua sakit.

Ada lagi best ah bila dalam geng nie.

Satu hari tu, Sisters gua suruh gua turun tag dorang pergi Orchard Towers. Gua ingat nak aper, sekali dorang kata mau bikin cap. Gua pon macam-macam lah pikir, gua ingat Cap Kapak ke, Cap Ibu dan Anak ke, sekali dorang bawak gua gi tattoo parlour sial.

Gua pon chol ah at first.

Gua mana boleh nampak orang kena cocok. Setakat injection dulu primary school gua kena, gua dah terkencet, ini inject dorang ader kaler lagi. Gua baru tahu kaler tu boleh pilih pilih. Sisters gua at first tanya whether gua nak ke tak, gua geleng kepala ah.

Gua takot ah siol.

End result gua tegok, berdarah lengan sister gua satu tu.

Gua pun tak paham ah, kenapa bangang sangat Sister gua tu pergi suruh mamat tu draw dragon kat lengan dia. Gua tengok da macam cicak senget. Yang lagi satu Sister pulak pergi draw ikan luohan. Bodoh ke aper.

Tapi gua tak comment ah, kang gua kena kicap kat situ kang, sape mau tolong. Sisters gua nie terror sikit. Bukan terror, horror lagi ader.

Satu badan dorang dah macam world map.

Gua tengok, da tak macam orang lah sisters gua nie. Gua tak tawu motive dorang aper lah, mungkin gua pikir dorang letak cap sebab nk bikin fierce. Tapi gua tengok da macam biawak pon ader.

Atlast gua tengok, gua jealous jugak.

Sebab mamat tattoo tu pon cute sia.

Gua tekad, gua pon bikin ah.

Gua tak sangka Sisters gua tepuk gua peh bahu, kata gua maut. Gua pon aper lagi, gua bilang mamat cute tu suruh draw rose ah. Kecik kecik sudah, tapi cute. Mamat tu pon tanyer gua, nk draw kat mana, Sisters gua pulak sebok suroh dia draw kat chest gua.

CIS!

Aper lagi, mamat tu pon mengambil kesempatan ah. Yang gua frust nie, mamat tu tak concentrate bila draw kat dada gua nie. Dia sebok bebual kat gua, konon nak release tension gua ah sebab gua dalam banyak kesakitan.

Disebabkan dia tak concentrate lah, gua peh rose dah macam tisu berdarah. Knnccb betol. Takpe ah, demi geng gua, gua taknak dorang kata gua nie kanak-kanak strawberry pulak.

Itu takpe.

Sisters gua da kalerkan rambot gua, gua kena tendang dari sekolah sebab gua cakap "Sorry sorry naik lori" kat gua peh principal. Itu pon Sisters gua yang ajar, gua pon tak tahu asal cakap sorry nak kena naik lori. Pelik ah dorang.

Satu hari tu gua boring, gua ajak Sisters gua lepak, sekali Brothers ngan Sisters gua kata dorang busy bikin project. Gua pon ingat, setahu gua, dorang mana sekolah agi mau bikin project, gua pon tak tanyer ah.

How many weeks later, Sisters gua boncit.

Gua ingat dorang kena masuk angin kape. Rupanya pregnant siul. Mampos. Gua pon makin chol. Gua pikir kalu mau jadi terror macam dorang, nak kena pregnant jugak ker?

Meninggal mak bapak gua kalau dorang tahu.

Gua tak nak ah.

Nanti gua nak kena beli baju baru, seluar baru. Nanti seluar tapered gua tak fit lagi. Singlet gua seme nanti overstretch. Ish, tanak ah gua. Nasib baik gua peh Boy tak mintak macam-macam. Gua pon taknak dia masok macam Brothers gua yang lain.

Boy gua nie pulak, satu hari tu, rambut dia kaler blonde. Lepas tu kaler merah. Nie sekarang pulak kaler hijau taik. Maklumlah, member dia tolong anokan rambot free, jadi dia pon shoot jer ah.

Pada mata gua, dia hensem takpe.

Riwayat gua bukan sampai sini jer. Kat lua tu ramai lagi minah rep. Gua pon tak tahu asal orang orang maacm kita nie ader 'rep' kat belakang. Saper entah pergi invent.

Lu orang jangan macam-macam ah.

Lu kalau tak kacau gua, gua tak attack per. Lu jaga, gua picit jer geng gua suruh turun, kasi lu orang peh muka macam bubur kicap. Lu orang tak suka orang orang macam kita, lu takmo tengok ah. Nie dah tengok, abeh nak kasi comment lagi.

Lu orang ada hal per sama gua?

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-11T10:46:00.007+08:00

No.Fly.No.Cry

[ [*] - insert own expletives here]

[*] shit, Blogger wouldn't let me post yesterday's [*] pictures. I [*] don't [*] know why the [*] hell she's being such a [*] bitch today. I can [*] upload a [*] few before it [*] lags like a [**********]. And then [*] it would [*] hang itself.

Without [*] saving a [*] draft of it.

I'm [*] loading it [*] up in [*] Facebook.

[**********]^%$#$%^&[***********]

Click HERE to view.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-10T13:06:00.001+08:00

Once upon a time at Bugis Street....

Boy: Kak, Abang tu nak mintak number.
Me: SORRY, KAKAK DAH KAHWIN.
Boy: Oh, sorry sorry. Paiseh ah kak.

*smacks forehead*

What in the blue hell made me say that? JEEZIZ. I had no idea how that suddenly spurted out from my mouth. MARRIED, MY ASS.

Maybe I was annoyed. Maybe I wasn't used to having a group of boys stalking...no...OBSESSIVELY SHADOWING me all around Bugis Street, from the first to the second floor, at every corner and even at the most narrowest nooks and crannies. Of course I was scared.

I was lucky I had a ring to show. And atleast that unexpected riposte I made set them walking away in shame, probably.

HOLY BALLS.

I can't believe I actually said I was married. Boyfriend must be choking on his Boost meal replacement, and I must have gotten out of my mind to save myself.

*LAUGHS*

I am going to get a few nights of good laughing to myself. Who the hell was I kidding with. Bahaha.

So it's Good Friday. I don't know what's so good about a Friday day but I read page 468 of my Macmillan Dict while I was waiting to move my bowels in my toilet just this afternoon. I just learnt that the accent British people have is called "Estuary English". Hmm.

Something random.

Maybe good is not enough. I am going to have an Excellent Friday later. And I am expecting the few kaki gereks to arrive and enjoy the long day with me. *winks* I loveeee~. I loveeee~. I loveeee~.

P.S: You'll never know how much I've been around.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-09T13:10:00.001+08:00

Daddy: You nak my email untuk apa?
Me: Untuk reference for my resumé.

Daddy: You nak apply kerja jadi menteri ke apa?
Me: Tak, dekat M.I.N.D.S I ada feeling boleh dapat position sebagai Training atau Assistant Training Officer.

Daddy: You kalau ikhlas nak kerja sana I doakan yang terbaik. Amin.
Me: I will send two resumés to 2 different associations. See how lah. Takkan nak jadi Datin je duduk rumah.

Daddy: Tahu takpe.
Me: Kalau dah dapat kerja boleh beli kereta.

Daddy: Lorry pon boleh. Boleh naik ramai-ramai.

*LAUGHS*

And now, I just have to wait for their reciprocation for an interview or some kind if shit. I swear I have done nothing like this before, and it makes me a nervous wreck wondering the intense scrutiny over my resumé.

Which also made me think.

Have I really made the right choice to start a career? Maybe it was just on impulse? Maybe it was because of my growing need to earn money and spend it? No no no. I have settled on that decision already. I am going for it.

Now I have to start thinking on how the hell am I going to allocate training and schooling schedules. Don't worry. I have magic in my own ways. I can think of it somehow.

I always do.

The wait. Holy mother bleeding jeeziz, it's killing me. I hate waiting.

Anyway, I finally got the aladdin pants I wanted during last night's shopping. A discount, too. *wags brows* I am searching for the perfect playsuit, but there's no place I could get it in my taste. I need to start designing my own wear, man.

P.S: Why is everyone logging into Facebook doing quizzes now?

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-08T12:28:00.001+08:00

IT'S REALLY GETTING NOISY IN HERE.

All the more I want to start a career soon. I'm sending out resumés before long, and waiting is the damned part I hated most. I will die in any minute if I continue being a freeloader in this house.

YES, I AM DESPERATE.

If you may know now, we are all money-faced. We can sully one's dignity with cash. Now don't deny it, when you have lived this long. Heck, your electricity bills are running right now when you are busy scrolling your mouses with grubby hands.

You are alive because of money, dammit.

I am brave to admit.

I can be happy with just money. Loads of it. Being filthy rich is one wish everyone hopes to get fulfilled. I love money so much I would keep a 5-cent coin I chanced upon the freaking ground.

We grow on money, man.

You were born out from whoever-it-is-the-womb-belongs-to to a pair of professional latex-gloved hands. The Doctor. Because of those hands, you were alive, and you have to pay it eventhough he/she smacks the hell out of your bottom to make you bloody cry.

Love on the other hand, makes you happy in a different kind of way.

BUT....

...love cannot make you full in the stomach. Love cannot make you clean. Love cannot make you rich. Love cannot make you enjoy to the fullest. Love cannot buy you a house. Love cannot pay you bills. Love cannot make you clever.

Love cannot keep you alive.

It is of religion that we must heed, that is why we possess LOVE. God put it there for some reason, yet He also imposed the devil of all predicaments, MONEY. He must be having a good laugh making us confused.

What if there never was such thing called money?

Maybe we could still survive on love. Or water from a stream, perhaps.

Thing is, we ain't living in archaic years no more. We are so used being blessed with foundations of money, we can never get enough of it. We want more of the currency.

Do you understand? No, do you really understand?

If you find this coming out from a 20 year old highly irk-able, then why are you still reading? Probably kids would'nt understand, but it is YOUR job to explain it to them when they are old enough or maybe when they have dollar bill speech bubbles coming out from their heads.

Now come on.

You're asking ME to be rational?

THE GOVERNMENT HAS PROPOSED TO BUILD A NEW MERLION JEEZIZ SAKE, AND YOU'RE ASKING ME TO BE RATIONAL?! Even if it was a joke, what if it really came true?

Do you know how much that thing cost? Do you think by any chance love can miraculously construct that piece of shit?

It's the money, man.

So it is true that money is the root of all evil. But let's put it this way, what may once be your enemy, might be your bestfriend. Everyone would be happy. Even the dead needed hell money.

Even if it ain't real, it's still money.

Love your dollars, man. Even if it ain't bringin' you to Heaven.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-07T12:00:00.002+08:00

I have NEVER been so desperate at any point of time in my life until yesterday.

New semester for school is arriving pretty soon, and after that I would'nt want the idea of myself loafing around like a wretched ideal broke woman till forever. What the hell was I ever going to do besides travelling to and fro from trainings?

Goodness.

I am beginning to think that being 20 is really the biggest juncture in my life right now and it scares me shitless dreaming of it. I can't believe I'm confessing it now but, I NEED MONEY.

In any case, who the heck doesn't? We can't be depending on our poor folks for it. They might be saving up for a world tour, or probably their dentures and also that pilgrimage they've been planning on.

Trust me, it is NOT a want.

Wanting something is a result from us being conditioned to want it, but a need is more of a priority. I NEED MONEY. Why? Because it doesn't fall from the sky. And to get it, I have to earn it from a damned job.

I NEED A BLOODY JOB.

And right now, I have been hooked up with a couple of concerns which I am still hesitating to make calls with. I need to make them soon and settle myself on one. Well, temporarily till I get sick of it or probably get fired.

If only my Federation pays well (OR pays for that matter), I would'nt be tripping over this like an insensate punch-drunk desperado surfing job sites the whole day. It is because of the passion which drives me to.............nowhere. Yet, I still have goals.

Blame me for being so choosy.

Or maybe my choice of not taking 'O's which leaves me with a pathetic 'N' certificate. Hell, I would have scored 'O's dammit. Or maybe that knowledge-based NITEC certificate I got it privately eons ago.

It frustrates me when requirements asked for a minimum of how-many-freaking-credits 'O' Level or a minimum experience of how-many-bloody years. I DON'T HAVE IT! What do you expect me to do?

Selfishly saying, education does not pay you, you're paying them, jeeziz sake. The JOB pays, man.

Look at what the hell I am blabbering about?

Alright, alright.

I know I'm kind of ngiao with making choices. Because I don't like regretting in the end. I like to do what I love, you know, something that interests me. What is so hard about that?

Why can't I find a damned job which pays good, has flexible working hours and is stationed somewhere which does not consume so much of my time and travelling expenses?

HOW HARD IS THAT?

If any of you readers have a solution to my inclining dilemma, please feel free to speak. I am giving up soon, already.

Anyway, thank you so much to Condom Girl who took her time to reassure me all these while and proved to me how working would probably make you the second Ebenezer Scrooge. You need to be stingy to save up. So I should stop calling Brother the biggest 'taik hidung masin' kid.

To Euphoric Soul, you have helped me alot in so many ways, I have no idea how to thank you. Maybe THAT dvd or the homecooked meal, perhaps? Thank you thank you thank you.

So ultimately, the NEED is the JOB and the MONEY. The WANT is the things I can buy with the MONEY.

Have you ever thought, how money really do make you happy? You even BUY love to be happy. Think about it. YOU NEED MONEY.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-06T12:06:00.007+08:00

Happy Birthday Nurul Amira.

We'll rock our faces off soon. Promise. I love you.

NEXT.

What is so wrong about listening to Mandopop? What? What is it about the foreign genre of taste in music which I have that is so damned disturbing?

WHAT!?

What in the hell is wrong with all of you? What, do you have opinions you cannot control which are superfluous for me to actually listen? What is wrong with listening to Bhangra? Or Dangdut? Or Tektonic? Or Trance? Or Indonesian? Or children's rhymes?

Do you have any idea how appreciative I am towards any kind of melody-type? A baby's sleeping sigh is music to my ears, man. God. Boyfriend is calling me his weirdo partner already for my strange taste in music.

ARGH.

Who the hell cares anyway.

If I want to listen to JJ Lin, so be it. I don't need you freaking douchebags to comment. I love JJ Lin Jun Jie alright.

*sticks tongue out*

AND, thanks to Euphoric Soul for clearing up my dilemma last night. I owe you one, buddy. You are really a great condom. (inside joke) *LAUGHS*

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-05T11:14:00.007+08:00

Mutton's Maladroit: The Birth of Butt Talk (Part X)

[CONFESSIONS OF BUS COMMUTER]
Note: This post is done from research and loads of experience. Do not attempt to copy. This is just for entertainment.

Yesterday ah, I take one bus 912 want to go my Nenek house lah. Wah, the aircon very cold one. I like because the weather so hot one mah. Then I "teetit!" my farecard I go find place to sit at the back back there.

I sat at beside one Chinese young lady.

She happily sitting at the window there don't know what see outside, nothing to see also. Sekali I see she like so selfish one right, the aircon hole blasting the bloody hell at her only, so I go and twist the thing to me lah. So we both fair mah get aircon.

This lady I don't know want to go where, but she wear so nice, hair all straight, smell perfume so nice.

Then ah....

She yawned.

Wah lao! HER MOUTH SIBEH HANCING ONE SIA! Don't know how many years never brush teeth and floss one, smell until so like that. Somemore the aircon blasting at me, the smell like so kanina I can vomit my yesterday fried noodles.

Gagging sia I inside the bus. I nearly want to die sia.

Wear so professional, perfume so strong, face so nice sekali mouth smell like a thousand dead pigs. Wah. The smell like so blasting up my nostril. Lucky next stop she got down. If she yawn again ah, I confirm die, my eyes backwards.

Going home time.

Mother father one to buy fruits at Causeway Point's pasar malam there, so after that want to go down the interchange. Then at the escalator there are, got a group of Mat and Minah Rep. I also don't know what the hell does the 'rep' stands for.

I think malay for 'rape' or something. Or 'representative' for the Mats and Minah.

BUT THAT ONE NOT MY POINT. Acherly they all like confronting one Mat. This Mat ah, want his girlfriend backlah, but the Girlfriend's new boyfriend protecting her. Then the other people all the Girlfriend's boyfriend's gang lah.

WAHLAO.

No dick or what sia lu, Mat. Want to come down and confront go and call the members. Lu chol pe Mat? No balls sia.

Anyway this Mat I think want to say sorry to the Girlfriend lah, but the Girlfriend don't want to talk to him. Then the Girlfriend's boyfriend like action protect her.

Eh Mat, your ex-girlfriend don't want to talk to you then what you want to do? You want to talk to her, but she don't want. You go home lah Mat. Want to talk what? Your ex-girlfriend got new boyfriend already what. You mati kutu already meh? Want to say sorry, ask your Girlfriend back.

Got so many girl outside, you still want her.

Wahpiang. If the girl pretty nehmind lah, this one so thin like walking stick still you want. Eh, there are many fishes in the pond lah dey. That girl don't have nothing to see lah. No ass, no breast, face like broken toilet, so liddat still you want. Wake up lah Mat.

Stupid or what.

Go home lah. Sing song under void deck play guitar lah. Surely girls come one.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-04T13:56:00.019+08:00

.Flying.Fish.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-02T12:35:00.000+08:00

One down. Two more to go.

Atleast the one with most problematic burden has been delivered to the jaws of a shark, one who hisses everytime she pronounces the letter "S". OMG. I swear it was irritating enough, I would have disembowelled myself hearing her lectures which I don't give a damn about.

The old guys said I worked much better at last minute assignments.

Haven't they understood that procrastination is the new sex? It's a cycle. Tomorrow's the submission deadline, you do it today. It's the thrill you get from the adrenaline rush when you're in a mad haste surfing websites you're unknown about, and then chunking little pieces of paragraphs all over in your bloody paper.

AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT.

*LAUGHS* Okay, not really, but I find it amazingly do-able. As you can see, I have been doing it for a year now and look at how much I had survived. Which also lead me to OVERDUED assignments. Bahaha.

God.

How can I ever get a good progress award for my wretched indolence? AS IF THERE EVER WAS ANY FREAKING AWARD! Paid 10-bloody-k and you don't get any bonsela for inclined development? Bullshit.

No wonder the suicide rates in Singapore are increasing.

Speaking of which....

THAT is exactly the topic for my next assignment.

And I have the perfect idea how to start it off with. I'm out. Au revoir.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-04-01T10:26:00.001+08:00

I had the most horrifying ordeal last night.

I was in Brother's room when some stupid cockroach decided to give me a visit while I was watching........well, I wasn't watching anything. The television was watching me. I heard scratching sounds from the window, that's when I became alert.

I seriously thought someone was trying to break in or something.

Must be out of my mind to think that some shit is breaking into my house from the corridor. Then that person must be a critical idiot. But I was too scared, I couldn't think straight. And then when I saw the outline of the feelers above the windows, I screamed and ran into Mummy's bedroom.

"AHHH! THERE'S A COCKROACH IN THE ROOM!!!!"
"Bunuh ah."

I peeked into Brother's room again to scan it fully before making a dash to the storeroom to protect myself with an insecticide. Like a superhero, I went inside the cursed room and with all my might, I sprayed.

But nothing came out. The can was bloody empty.

WHY DO WE EVEN KEEP AN EMPTY INSECTICIDE SPRAY CAN IN THE STOREROOM!!!!???

Do you know how threatened I felt holding a useless weapon? Just as my fear was getting into me, that bloody crawler flew! Yes! It sodding flew so fast above my freaking head, I screamed and ran into Mummy's room. Again.

"Dah kosong!"
"Pukul ah."
"I CAN'T PUKUL!!!!"

When mum was busy concentrating on stupid Indonesian never-ending dramas, I was trying to kill a cockroach. How nice. And now, that raw little gobshite has settled nicely ON the television screen. IT WAS AS GOD DAMNED BIG AS MY INDEX FINGER!

I shook the insecticide can which was still firmly lodged in my palm, aimed and prayed the lethal odourless liquid would come out and save me from my misery. And it did. But so little. My gut was already shrinking.

I turned into a sadistic She-Hulk and furiously stabbed the head of the can and made sure every single drop of it were sprayed, hoping the little son of an insect would die with froth.

I think it did.

Well, damned it to hell. It flew aimlessly to the back of the telly and all I heard next was scratching sounds. I bet it was wriggling with pain. I grabbed my pillows back to my room and slept there instead.

Till now, I haven't known whether it's really dead, or not.

I'm off for my assignments now.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-03-31T14:46:00.002+08:00

Boyfriend asked a preposterous question to me last night, I ended up laughing hysterically while he just kept quiet out of embarassment. How adorable. Seconds passed, I was still laughing and then I became gulty for laughing AT him rather than WITH him.

Poor Boyfriend.

Such an innocent question could cost him much chagrin. I just had to be the bad guy last night. Yet, I am still laughing now. Tsk tsk. Sorry, but to save him from further shame, I shall not pledge to guilt again by letting you guys know what his question was.

*LAUGHS*

Anyway, I woke up this morning, pissed as a drunk man. Someone had stole my Kinder Bueno from the refrigerator. And I knew who the sneaky little culprit was.

Me: WHAT THE HELL YOU ATE MY KINDERBUENO AA!!??
Brother: I tak makan. Tiba-tiba je dah dalam perut.

In your stomach, MY ASS.

Anyway, I had one egg prata with milk for breakfast just now. I don't know how weird the combination was but its good I finished it up. I lost my appetite for more than a week already, must be the reason why I felt so weak and dehydrated.

Not forgetting the morning jogs which left me nauseous to my stomach.

My cold is still nagging in the pits of my nostrils, I'm craving for extremely sour bonbons, and Boyfriend's starting to call me anorexic and I am furiously annoyed when he calls me that or mocks me and forces me into eating.

^$%^$*&*(%^&.

Oh, oh.

Last night.....came the talking. Then asking. Then 'helping' amongst us. You people should understand. WE adults are too caring, we are concerned over each others' grades, as the result to us...........helping.

AND, that bitchshit must be either blind, or deaf. Or both.

Best part yet.

Holy God.

Best examinations ever. And I'm not going to tell you the name of my school. Because it rocks, big time.

Goodbye now.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-03-30T14:20:00.001+08:00

Darn it.

Why do I have to feel so thirsty right now? Darn it. Darn it. So weak. Dehydrated. Darn it. Oh, darn it well. And I have not shat for 2 days now. Darn it. Darn it. My skin on my fingers are peeling. Darn it.

My whole anatomy feels damned down lethargic, I am too exhausted to even spit out the pits of an orange, I swallowed them whole. Who cares if I grow a tree inside me?

Exams will commence later this evening at 7. And I haven't even started to look at my lecture notes, let alone mug. God, I NEVER mug in my whole life before. I swear. What do you get from mugging, anyway? You end up mentally tired.

Let me give you a tip.

Research has shown that if a particular thing/phrase/word/sentence/fact is being said and repeated 7 TIMES, you can remember it for a longer period, or maybe, forever. In layman's term, remember easily. Try it. It works for me.

Look at me now, I could even make out the shrieking voice of mom's to clean my room without her to even say it. Hell knows how many times she has been persistently badgering me to tidy my pig sty. I would even remember it when I enter my grave. *LAUGHS*

On a lighter note....

I got myself a blouse and a dress and a Barney backpack last night. It feels so great when you get a good bargain for shit.

Okay.

It is about time I get a nap first before flipping through my Domokun-scribbled notes. Or maybe should I study first and then sleep? Hmm. The latter sounds annoyingly tempting right now.

See you guys around soon.

Darn it.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-03-29T10:17:00.003+08:00

Mutton's Maladroit: The Birth of Butt Talk (Part IX)

[CONFESSIONS OF AN ULTIMATE LAZY ASS]
Note: This post is done from research and loads of experience. Do not attempt to copy. This is just for entertainment.

Do you know how lazy can a lazy man get?

You do not call a man who doesn't clean his room lazy. You do not call a man who wakes up late lazy. You do not call a man who hates to take showers lazy. You do not call a man who doesn't blog daily lazy.

For all you know right, he may be cleaning up whenever he feels like it, and maybe he work so long come back home late, or because he got skin disease or what and just probably his life ah not so interesting to blog one.

There is a difference between LAZY and TIRED, know.

Like now, I very tired. And so weak already.

Don't call me lazy, can? Okay, bye.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-03-27T14:21:00.009+08:00

Another mini birthday celebration with the old guys, within minutes before leaving. No pun intended, only thing is that we WERE studying in the airport's departure hall last night. Photo credits from Boy Smart aka Muhd Alamin. Casts - Boy Smart, R-osak & Million Dollar Mutton.

AND....

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY TO BROTHER.

You rock my ass, though sometimes you might be such a pain in it. Have a blasting birthday, dear. Peace.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-03-26T15:42:00.008+08:00

I swear, it was scarier watching them than watching [•REC] alone.

Aylana and Gigi Monster were flailing their arms and legs in the air, screaming bloody murder last night over at my place watching the horror flick, while Boyfriend was scaring himself silly eventhough the storyline was very much predictable.

I had a good birthday laugh and the surprise of them turning up at my door. I had to slam it shut to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

Beautiful Bouncer made a surprise visit just now. Thank God I did'nt slam the door. Again. Plus, she gave me just what I wanted.

Imagine. Tell me how in the hell should I grow up, if I'm given more childlike-trifling items than sophisticated one. Oh well, those're just some of the things which balances me. I think.

HELEN jewellery was from Mama.

iLove. iLove. iLove.

P.S: Thank you so much, everyone.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-03-25T14:19:00.003+08:00

I wish....

....*takes a deep breath*

What in the hell is the number '2' doing infront of my age today? Why do I have to succumb to this feeling that maturity is digging deep, and I have to let go of my shitload of puerile nonsense? Why do I have to learn and start to be financially dependant?

Why do I have to suffer from being a year older towards crowfeets, wrinkles, sagging skin and flabs, weakness, fragility and worse, MENOPAUSE?

Do I need to?

Do I need to start thinking about my future now? I don't even know what I want to be. Must I be planning on long-term courtship, which eventually leads to marriage and kids and the grave? No?

Do I have to slow down my roll, be steady and firm, serious about the hereafter? Says who?

You know what? I don't give a shit.

I don't care what you numb nuts say, or do. I don't even care if you had an opinion. How much of your percentage worth of critics does it cost to decrease my confidence level? None.

As far as I know, as long as I'm still unmarried, unemployed, un-whatever-the-adults-should-have-and-be-right-now, my parents still have their responsibility over me. And it is their job to keep a roof under my head, to feed and clothe me, to make me happy and shit.

I don't care how long it takes because it is their concern.

Age is just a number. So is money. *clears throat*

So, what's so special about today? That I don't give a damn how many foreign numbers have to be forced to form an age, because I am happy being young at any decline of life. I am still savouring every bit of salad days right now since I was born, and I will till I advanced in years.

So you better be happy for me.

I wish..... *LAUGHS*

Happy Rocking Birthday To Myself.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-03-24T14:23:00.003+08:00

Say ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~.

I don't know how those practitioners do it, but I can't see anything swollen or wrong with it to diagnose myself of having a very very very sore throat. Well, maybe because I haven't been inspecting my throat when it was fine.

And it is, by fact, my throat up there. I took the liberty of taking a picture of it last night to see how worse it got.

*shrugs* Looks the same to me. I had a hard time swallowing my saliva, I had to spit it out. I found myself drooling all over my cheeks and pillow this morning. I am a big baby, so it is alright for me to still be teething at this point of time. HAHAHA.

Anyway, it could'nt have been more easy for me late last afternoon. There was no wincing, no grimacing, no yelping, no complaining. All was good. She looked as if there's nothing happening up on her head. Maybe it was the DVD I played to induce distraction, or maybe she just had a thick scalp.

*LAUGHS*

Another satisfied job, and a satisfied customer. *winks*

But I still have a soreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee throooaaaaaaaaaaatt. Oh dear.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-03-23T13:55:00.004+08:00

I am expecting another client coming in later today.

Ahhh~.

My assignments are due (wait, they're actually OVERdued) and my semestral assessment is nearing and I get no shit up in my brain because I haven't done any preparation at all. As if it bothers me.

The only thing which is getting on my wick is that the theory papers ain't correlated to anything that I have learnt. Those bogus people expect us to do research on what I don't know. So how in the skinny blue hell do I transact my analysis, if I am clueless on what to search for?

Lucky me, the people there aren't such a hard-ass.

On the brighter side, this week will be serving me a 6-day training leave. For the love of jeeziz, I thank you Lord for it. I guess I will be starting on my assignments tomorrow then. Maybe procrastinating will do me some good. Furthermore, I have a sorethroat. Told you it was coming.

*sighs*

I am such a slow healer.

P.S: Sore-bloody-throat.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-03-22T09:53:00.004+08:00

Mutton's Maladroit: The Birth of Butt Talk (Part IX)

[CONFESSIONS OF A STALKER]

Note: This post is done from research and loads of experience.

Hello.

Uh, acherly right don't call it a stalker lah, like so rude liddat right "stalker stalker". I so sad sia. I like to be called a pursuer. Like cool right. And my work is not stalk lah, you people so shallow one or what sia.

Please lah, term my job as "obsessively shadowing", not stalk.

I got waterface to save one okay. Anyhow stalk stalk. You think work as pursuer no dignity one meh?

Let me explain to you, my journey of becoming a stalk...................pursuer.

Acherly kehnot blame me for becoming like this one. Blame the person lah to become so handsome, so beautiful, so talented, so charming, so sexy, so so lah. You think if the person not handsome, not pretty, I want to waste time one meh to pursue?

Where got right?

If you complain so much you got stalker lah what shit, then why you become so handsome and so pretty? Then after that if people like me come, you people complain so much. Become scared lah what shit.

I tell you my hobby.

I like to draw people's portraits. I don't care lah if my drawing not nice or what, the nose like senget, or the lips too thick, or the arms too long, atleast I see nice can already. Then ah, I also like to write poetry. Because ah, it is the only place I can express myself lah.

I sometimes only write letter then post anonymously.

Wah, the feeling ah, so great one. I also am a great follower of their blogs. Everytime I read ah, I feel like he/she becoming a part of me lah. I like very understand already their lifestyle. But ah, one of my friends ah got ask me do one thing.

Take down notes of my idol's whereabouts.

Wah, they like so expert one sia. So I do lor. Until I sleep at void decks ah. Or I have to go dig inside phonebook and all that. Have to find their handphone numbers. Wah, very tiring one, but I get to see my idol, can already. Like I see a star. So shining, so beautiful and handsome. Wahhhh.

*slaps face*

Then ah, when everytime got event, I will consperm come one ah. Because I damn sure my idol will be there. When I come ah, the person dowan to look at me sia. I shake hand with my idol also like I very sad. So I neh ask for a big hug ah. My heart crush you know.

Then ah suddenly ah, I become very angry.

I WANT TO KILL MY IDOL SIA.

Why other people come near my idol ah, my idol can talk normal, laugh laugh all. But with me ah, like so scared. DON'T EVEN WANT TO SEE MY FACE! My mother father say I not ugly what, then why my idol dowan to see my face? WHY!?

Cannot ah liddat! Not fair!

I want my idol. I want my idol for myself. Never see all my hard work of tracking you down, right? Never see how many night I neh sleep just to take down your schedule so I can see you, right? You don't know hard it is okay!

I love you so much, I miss you like hell, but you never appreciate me one. You so bad! I don't even know why you so popular! I everytime see you, want to be like you, want to be as good as you, want people to like me, but you spoiled my dream sia. You wait. You just wait ah.

One day...I get my hands on you...

...........YOU CAN NEVER RUN AGAIN! I will make you mine, and nobody else can touch you! I will make you love me, I will make you want me so bad, you don't look at other people except me! I will make you give me hugs anytime I ask, and you will forever be with me!

My dream will come true soon. You wait, mongolia.

I want to be close to you. My idol. My idol. My idol.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-03-21T05:36:00.005+08:00

Out of all the oh-so-many things that I may be dexterous at, there is ONE thing (besides running) that I am cack-handed which is.....

.......cleaning my room.

Who says only a guy has to have a pig pen in his room? See what happens to mine when I left it for only 2 days because Brother was out for in-camp and I had been sleeping in his room. Well, no. Actually it has ALWAYS been a shambolic sad state.

Come on.

What is there to be shy about? It is of every regularity that we people suffer from ultimate indolence once in awhile. But that ain't mean we don't ever do housechores. You see, it is of habit that we clean, and then we mess up again. And the latter is what we do good at.

PLUS....

I never let my parents touch or rearrange my crap because I would have a hard time busting my ass searching for them. So they left me to it. But of course, I do get the frequent Ghostface Killah cum Eminem cum 50 Cent rapping from Mummy.

My folks should be happy enough my room doesn't stink.

Anyway, all I need to make it look cleaner is a new wardrobe, or a bigger room. OR A MAID. *shrugs* All those folklore sayings like....

....clothes maketh the man or

....you are what you eat or

....how you behave reflects what kind of person you are...

Doesn't really ring much bells right now, don't you think? It is bullshit.

How about, "A MESSY ROOM BELONGS TO A MESSY PERSON." Now who in the sane mind of the 21st century would want to believe that? But then again..

Don't judge a book by its cover.

Now, raise your hand, any of you who has contributed to this domestic delinquency of minors?

P.S: Please remind me to clean my room. Anyone.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-03-20T10:52:00.000+08:00

As you may know, nothing comes out quite as efficiently as you wanted when you're a bag of walking disease. What is the use of not being up to snuff when you have to make errands, travel for meetings and shit?

WHY?

Because I am not physically crippled. If only I was, I would'nt have to move from my bed. So instead, people would have to make errands FOR ME, and travel to MEET ME. And maybe, just maybe, only my hands could work magic so I could blog to tell you how amazing it feels to be treated like a queen.

ENOUGH OF CRAP.

I woke up today, realizing my mouth was parted slightly. Probably because I could'nt breathe through my blocked nostrils the entire night. Good. Now I'm accumulating dust in my throat. No sooner I have to breathe from my ears. Or my ass.

*rolls eyes*

Anyway....

....Japanese Doll is coming over to get her hair done. And then I have to make an errand to the pharmacist before rushing off to SCOE for a meeting. God. It is no use that I am unwell.

Might as heck I go for a jog later.

*sighs* I still want a happy meal.

P.S: Secret's out.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-03-19T13:42:00.000+08:00

Just my luck.

I wonder how my nose doesn't ever seem to get tired from running, and this bout of pyrexia I am experiencing is weighing my bloody head down like a few extra kilos. *shrugs* The last time I remember getting ill was a few months back.

This might just be what I need. *raised a brow*

Not forgetting the countless hours of sleep, catching up on missed sitcoms on the telly, slugging infront of my computer, and probably getting bedsores before rotting myself into a heap of decomposition, and then start off my Saturday at 7.30am at Bedok.

WH'THE HECK~!!

I can't even imagine dragging my sleeping self right after dawn prayers. I don't even know if my eyes would open, let alone my brain which I think would be in a messy pit of dysfunctional matter in the light of sunrise.

Jeeziz balls, if only I could be in operation at my subconscious state, I would'nt have to force myself to knock my head awake, and then be on alerting impulses every hour with the use of matchsticks at my eyes.

Or, if only we didn't need to start at 7.30am.

*takes a tissue and stuffs up one nostril*

I suddenly feel like eating a McDonalds Happy Meal. It is going to drizzle soon, I could smell it. The perfect concoction for influenza, without the consumption of medication. I'd love to think that my body is good at fighting them alone. Hmm.

Blame Boyfriend and Mama for infecting it to me. He was apologizing profusely because of it.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-03-18T12:26:00.020+08:00

Wending.Way.To.The.Other.Side

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-03-17T12:41:00.001+08:00

I am blogging not because I have reached safely at the pits of northern Singapore in the comfort of my own domain, but because I think I had enough rest already and now, I am back to work. For your information, I returned on Sunday night.

I am still experiencing the bits of car-lag.

Hmm. Traffic congestion to and back was depressing. It took us nearly an hour to get to Customs of Johor, and fat luck, I had to stand throughout the journey. I was getting pretty frustrated from the blistering heat and from this adolescent Chinese idiot behind me who was playing around, and stepped on my foot a couple of times.

He was lucky his brains didn't blow up.

We reached Larkin, had our lunch at Rasamas, one of KFC's co-orperating outlets, which consists of a whole Percik chicken, hotplate beancurd, a pile of beanprouts which looked like grass, a portion of boneless Honey Chicken, and also chicken soup which tasted like potato chips.

And then......SHOPPING!

I was getting fed-up with searching for the perfect jeans, and I have tried on 6 different pairs in different shops with different sizes, I was at the verge of giving up. Not because of the failed attempts to purchase a decent one in my size, but because I am made up of a weird shape. My waist is pretty small but my bottom half is OH-MY-LORD.

Finally I got one. In a man's size 31.

Goodness, I'm wearing Daddy's size. HAHAHAHAHA.

Then at night....

....went to Taman Baru Uda to have our dinner. ROTI BOM WAS THE BOMB. And then went to the terrace house to clean it up before shopping (again) at Jusco Bukit Indah. Not forgetting the arcade. HAHAHAHA.

The next day, we went to Jusco Tebrau for...uhm..

....SHOPPING AGAIN.

Lunch consists of Black Pepper Claypot Chicken Rice which does not look nor taste as delectable as the name. How can I when I'm given only bones from a dead chicken to devour? But the Strawberry Bubble Tea was nice, though.

I am going to promise you pictures, but not today alright. I have stuff to do later.

See you tomorrow.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-03-14T08:06:00.003+08:00

HOLY JEEZIZ BALLS.

She was there again. She was there. Oh! Imagine the trauma I am going to have for the rest of the year. I had to hide behind bodies in a bid to shield myself before I got emotionally unbalanced. Which I already was at that split second I saw her.

AHHHHHHHHH!

And no Teaser, I didn't have nightmares. My level of psycho-phobia has just upped itself, I think it's at the brim already. OMG OMG OMG. I feel like smashing my head with a guillotine. No, guillotine's for chopping people's head off.

YOU SEE??

I CAN'T EVEN BLEEDING THINK STRAIGHT! Damned it, my brain's in a matter of mess in my skull and now I am deciding to file a protection order for the obsessive non compos menti. And maybe one bouncer is not enough.

(*^%^&*(*%$%^&*.

On the other hand, my pants are falling off, my lower back is breaking, my throat is comparable to the sahara and I want to get intoxicated with Iced Hot Chocolate.

NOTE.

Please be informed that Butt Talk will not be posted tomorrow because I am leaving for Malaysia and would only be back God-knows-when and Beautiful Bouncer has called in leave for a trip to Cameron Highlands.

Till then, enjoy your weekends.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-03-13T12:25:00.005+08:00

To decide between two impossible choices, I would like to ask you. Which is more painful?

A natural facelift, or a scalp transplant?

I have no idea how the latter works, but I have some pictures of Jibon's gruelling inexpensive cosmetic surgery yesterday at my place. And he had a tight face after that, and no sooner, a splitting headache before he dared to pull the rubbers himself. Crying.

You decide.

Atleast I made him a happy boy, though only for 16 hours. *chuckles*

Oh well, school's out for the moment so I am expecting self-study (which never happens) and loads of free time (which never happens, too). Maybe I am just good with last-minutes boning up on. I am sometimes impressed with my abilities. Maybe I don't really have to go to school anymore.

*taps chin*

I have a good life.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-03-12T13:12:00.014+08:00

.Bon.Voyage.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-03-11T12:41:00.002+08:00

I panicked. Like hell.

Evil Eye questioned my rush when I entered the gates of SCOE late last afternoon, I was pale and my eyes were dancing and beads of cold sweat started running down everywhere on my uncovered regions. My heart was racing, and I kept looking back at my trails, if I did made one.

Evil Eye: Asal nie Bit? Siapa kejar?
Me: *catches breath* Tengah panic nie. Tengah panic.
Evil Eye: Asal?

I thought I was going to come down with hyperventilation or something because something got stuck in my throat, until I realised it was the Mango Fruit Plus I was chewing on earlier. I was meddling with my cold sweaty palms before managing something out of my mouth.

Me: Ader orang tu. Panic, panic. *runs to locker room to hide*
Evil Eye: SIAPA??

God damned it.

Wait. God damned her for being there. On a bright sunny Tuesday, and the sight of her just killed my spirits. She was there. Oh God. How could I have not noticed without Mummy telling me?

[walking towards SCOE]

Mummy: Alamak. Si dektu ah. *nudged me*
Me: Siapa?
Mummy: Si tu...

As I shielded the golden rays away from my eyes and my pupils started it's focus, I could make out the small bespectacled face, the weird black-eyelinered eyes, and the psycho smile.

MISS STALKER.

What in the sodding blue hell was she doing there? My mind was in a labyrinth and my knees wobbled all of a sudden. I had to make a plan. But my brain switched off.

Mummy: Okay, you pergi g...
Me: *interrupts* Okay, I pergi masuk bikin gym. I amek shortcut. Kay, bye. *runs off leaving her*

Holy shit.

You guys don't know how much I feel like disappearing into thin air when she saw me. It was like being made to face a liondance, only worse. As quick as lightning, I changed and ran into the gym. Only after Bulan told me something in the lockers.

Bulan: Asal nie Kak Bit?
Me: Hah? A****h. A****h. Dia ade.
Bulan: Kat mana?
Me: Kat luar.

And then she told me Miss Stalker had then been around the perimeters of SCOE since morning. And it was just when the clocked just striked 4pm that I was informed. What the hell was she doing there?

I had to skodeng from the doors of the gym to check for clear lines before I dared myself to set a foot outdoors, knowing that I am safe from the clutches of that obsessive-mental case.

- - - - - - - - - -

Me: Dia mana?
Mummy: Dia dah balik.
Me: Abeh dia tadi kat situ buat aper?

Mummy: Dia kata baru balik dari belajar.
Me: Eh, Eka kata dia dari pagi nampak dia kat luar Persisi tau.
Mummy: Eh?
Me: ABEH!

Mummy: At first dia kata nak ikut Mummy dalam Persisi nak tengok korang training.
Me: Then?
Mummy: Abeh I kata lah korang takde training, ader gym ajer. Terus dia kata okay, dia balik lah.

I was so grateful she was gone, but the sight of her still causes chills until now. What the hell does she want? What was she doing?

I could'nt sleep last night due to my anxiety attack.

I am starting to think that SHE was probably the cause of my nocturnal suffering, though I doubt so. BUT I LOVED TO THINK SO. Atleast I could have a reason for my sleepless night. I just hope I could catch some sleep tonight. This shit has made me go bonkers.

P.S: Help me, man.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton

2009-03-10T12:44:00.002+08:00

My butt is big

and round like the letter C.

And ten thousand lunges

have made it rounder,

but not smaller,

and that's just fine.

It's a space heater

for my side of the bed.

It's my ambassador

to those who walk behind me.

It's a border collie

that herds skinny women

away from the best deals

at clothing sales.

My butt is big, and that's just fine.

And those who might scorn it, are invited to kiss it.

No, I am not experiencing PMS. I am just raising my two babies, Charon and Persephone. Hmm.

Facebook has made me gone mad. So does GoW. And I miss somebody. Or maybe I am just plain bored, awaiting death. I must go make myself useful right now. Yes! I shall go out.

And buy myself a baby rabbit. Or a hamster.

Or probably the banana prata I have been craving since like forever. *rubs chin* No. I shall go play Rock Legends, Pet Society and make baby twins whom I shall call Olympus and Calliope. And then off to gym.

Hmm.

P.S: My eyelashes are falling off. Either I'm being missed greatly, or my eyelids are balding.

the girl who never grew up,
Million Dollar Mutton